Half-Pint

As I look back on 2008 I have mixed feelings as I think we all do at this time every year. I saw the loss of 2 wonderful people in my life. One to senseless violence and the other while serving his country. I have been asked to serve on the board of directors for my hockey team which is a fabulous group of people that I enjoy very much. I was able to spend time taking picture and enjoyed the feeling that I get from being in the moment. Not to mention the experience of a lifetime when I was able to photograph the Indigo Girls & Natasha Bedingfield. This year has allowed me to earn my EMT certification again, enjoy the first year in our new home, and celebrate 8 years with my partner. This year has brought me more a lot more heartache with my parents, but an increased reliance on myself and my family that I have chosen. I have met some amazing people, rode another Act ride, and played a lot more hockey. It’s been a long year. I don’t really have any special hopes for 2009; I would li

This is what I found in my email this morning: "Congratulations on successfully compleating the cognitive portion of your EMS certification." My reaction: holy crap...does that mean i passed?? I think about 2 min passed where I re-read this email and was looking for the catch. I just passed the National Registry for EMT on the first try, whoohoo! Back in the day when I first earned my EMT certification in 1998 we were told stories about how difficult this national exam was, and most of us were encouraged NOT to take it. 140: Hours spent in class: 16 weeks at 8 hours per week + clinical time 1 :Number of times I thought perhaps I shouldn't have done this 6 :Number of friends I will keep in touch with Feeling I had today knowing I did it makes each moment in class compleatly worth it. So what's next? Well putting some time in at DGEMS putting skills to practice. There is some talk of a group of us going on to IV tech together, but there is also paramedic school too. Th

So this weekend my parents come for a visit again. I have this fear that something is going to go massively wrong or just be a bad visit. I know I am super stressed out right now and having them here actually does not help me right now. They will be leaving for Florida the middle of the week I believe and I won’t see them again until Mayish. Could be April but I have a few hockey tournaments that I am playing in and will be gone the weekend prior to my birthday so I am thinking I won’t see them until sometime in May. Every time they leave for Florida I wonder if I will see my father again, if his health will hold up through the winter. I wonder if I have approached everything with my parents in a fair manner. If I am treating them as I would want to be treated even if it’s not returned. In other news, I think I am developing arthritis in my elbow. Prior to the surgery I was limited from time to time with some extreme pain but things seemed to go well after Dr. Bliss dug around in there

Last night we went to see Carrie Underwood...I think we bought the tickets 3 months ago or something and it seems like we have been waiting for this for FOREVER! Little Big Town opened for her and they were really good, it was nice to see a great group of performers out there workin hard. We sat in about the 7th row and to my surprise there was a giant catwalk that ran down the middle of the floor that we were about 4 feet from so we always had a great view. It’s strange to see this woman that I was rooting for on American Idol a few years ago in the big lights and doing really well. I think some people are just destined to be in that role in life. I don’t think I could live that life, but I am in awe of her talent. At one point she was doing a wardrobe change and they did this montage of all the awards she has won and she had this one acceptance speech that I thought was so true to who she is: God has blessed me so much and I will spend the rest of my life trying to understand why, no

Words on a Monday morning Winter weather Restless Unsure Confused Overwhelmed Hurting (physically) UGH Lot’s going on, school winding down, pressure winding up. Head is whirling around. Hockey is great but frustrating. This week is super busy, quite overwhelming when I think about it, actually the next 2 weeks are. I have a State licensing exam on Tues, took Thurs off so I can go to class during the day and take Loni to the Carrie Underwood concert at night with our friend Mel, Act 6 reunion party on Friday night and sat I have work, the women’s hockey game with MGHA and take Loni to her Christmas party. Whew, I am tired just looking at this list. Mom and Dad coming for a visit on the 12th, National Registry Practical Exam on the 16th and National Registry Written sometime around there as well. So, by Christmas I should be exhausted, but finished. Maybe I can have some time again, some time to focus on what is important and more importantly spend some time with Loni. I would love to fi

So I had a whole post written up but it seemed dismal and depressing so I erased it. Today was full of hockey, and doing nothing. Didn't have a homemade meal at all. I have much to be thankful for, and many to be thankful too. Some people that saved me in more ways than they will ever know, and have touched my heart. I don't and shouldn't need a special day to tell those people that I am thankful for them, yet sometimes the words just don't come out. So, I hope today was spent in the company of those you enjoy, and for a brief moment you remembered that you are special. Because while I built a fire and looked in the flames, I thought of you and was so thankful!

So when I let my mind wander away from me I always seem to end up blogging. good thing? maybe. Anyway, I am feeling even more blah and more sadness around the holidays this year that usual. I dislike the holiday season, mainly because there is too much fakeness in people. I can't stand the I will pretend to like you during the holidays and spit on you the rest of the year crap! Holidays make me feel very lonley, if I must be honest, they do. They break my heart. I don't really have a good explination for this, I can't put into words really just why I feel lost around holiday time. Maybe it's because I am far from family. Maybe it's because everyone seems to have a family of their own and I feel left out. Doesn't really matter why I guess. But I have always felt like the fifth wheel. So, origionally for Thanksgiving this year we were going to have Bri over since I know her family is doing other things. And tonight she let me know that her dad is by himself at ho

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License . Thanksgiving used to be my favorite time of year, favorite holiday out of all of them. I think it was because my dad’s side of the family got together on Wed night and my mom’s side was an all day Thursday type of thing. I remember after school the snowy drive out to Holland to a church building to have dinner & Christmas with Grandpa & Grandma and all of my cousins. We would be there late into the night and spending time together as a family, I loved those nights. I can still hear the laughter in the back of my mind sometimes. Thursday we would get up for church then race home to pack whatever we were bringing and head out to Holland/Zeeland to my Grandmother’s and in later years my aunts. We would have tables set up all over the house, kids tables, adult tables, food galore. This was always my favorite side of the family, we were a giant clan that would eat

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License . Over the last year I have found a sweet hobby of photography. I think it allows me to be bolder than I would typically be and it let’s me into people’s lives that I would be into otherwise. I have a decent eye and try to tell my story without a forced look; I like my subjects to be just as I see them in the moment. In fact, I don’t do well with posed pictures, makes me nervous. I want to see you in my film as I saw you in the moment. With all of that being said, the pictures that I took for the rally this weekend have been getting a lot of buzz which is SO exciting to me. I am so touched, humbled and in awe of the comments I have received. Many, okay, most of which are from total strangers. I am speechless…and truly honored.

So today was a rally here in Madison to fight the H8 and equal rights for LGBTQ people. Even thought everything with Prop 8 happened in CA you wouldn't know it here, it stings deep all the way in WI. I don't know why love scares people. Give me reasons that go beyond religion. I am so sick of the hatred that spews out of some people, love is love, it's really that simple. I had a great day today, time with Mary, stopped by to see Bri with some warm coffee, a little pho, and watching some hockey. I love my Madison family, gives me peace.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License . So, I wasn't going to put this on here but I am just still bothered by it so I figured I would share it then. I love to use facebook, it's a fun place for me to catch up with old friends, jab at those I currently see and just let my hair down (so to speak.) So, I was shocked when about 2 months ago my mom also joined facebook and then requested to "friend" me. Against my better judgement I went ahead and did so, making sure to start censoring myself a little and blocking certian things from her. But, one thing about facebook is that you can express your support for various groups and/or causes. So, a week or so ago someone sent me something to support leagizing gay marriage which I fully support, and I posted that on my page. Well last night my mother decides to comment on this by saying "not a good idea." Initially I was PISSED OFF, not h

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License . I have been feeling very restless lately - I could use a vacation, or getaway..whatever u call it. I want to hop in my truck, and just drive. honestly I don't care where. I want to turn up music, my music, and sing at the top of my lungs. I want to get away, not runaway, but take a breath.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License . Who Am I?? I am a slightly neurotic, obsessive hockey player that wishes to be better than my current skill level will let me be Adopted daughter to Earl & Joyce Co-Treasurer to the MGHA Lion Tamer for Token Creek Lions Club Steering committee for the Act ride A partner Fur babies momma A faithful employee in a growing organization A fiercely devoted friend An extremely shy individual (bet you didn’t know that one!!) A book worm A video game geek Someone that likes to sit back and watch A person that remembers a lot, especially when it’s about people I care about I notice when you are fighting the tears I really want you to hug me too I need to have time alone, but not too much I want you to want me in your life When hurt, I can cut you off forever I panic at the thought of losing my father I am terrified of public restrooms I could go to an amusement park for ev

I feel like my emotions, thoughts and life has been swirling around me lately. I have had an outlet for some of it, but that has been censored too. I feel like I have to censor a lot more now, not because I want to. Sometimes I feel like having a blog is my only way of letting some of my friends know what is going on with me. And the funny thing is that I see these people often. But why do we share information like this? What is wrong with sitting down and talking to one another? Personally, I'm likely to actually sit and chat, I clam up more. Not sure what that is about. The part of me that searches for those close connections also pushes them away. I want them to ask the questions, yet I am afraid to give the answer. The swirl of emotions, the gut check.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License . So many things have been happening lately. I think sometimes I need to remind myself to slow down for a minuet, take care of me for a while. So many thought, memories, emotions that are coursing through me recently. Some I wasn’t planning, some that I have shoved down about as far as I can. This time of year is a great struggle for me. I find myself in a constant search for the family that I so desperately need. I don’t’ know what is worse, to lose your family in death, or to lose them because you are shunned. I have talked often here about what this group of friends here in Madison has meant to me. This is my family of choice, my brothers & sisters that I have never had, those that stand shoulder to shoulder with me and pick me up when I fall. And although I feel that they care about me and would do anything for me, I can’t help but wonder if that is true. I kee

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License . To trust someone so completely To start to open up that protective cocoon To let go just a little To accept wholeheartedly To be the supportive one To stand shoulder to shoulder with This is what a friend does This is what a friend is That barrier between hurt and hope The arms that wrap you up The shoulder that is always there The one you call for a ride The one you ask for help The one you look at right in the eyes - Letting you know you are safe, and you are loved.

It's been a long time since I have posted on here...not that I don't have anything to say. Quite the opposite actually, I have so much to say, to share, to unload, but time is just moving faster than I can keep up these days. Well let's see..Oct 9th I finally said goodbye to the eye bank. Because of the fact that my life was literally sucked out of me each day I thought it would be super easy to just walk away. I was almost shocked when I had a slightly hard time saying goodbye to people. Anyway, I am am happy to report that today marked the end of my second full week at the credit union. It has been a long couple weeks of training which makes my brain hurt but overall I am have super impressed. Ya know when something fits? Like it just feels right? I enjoy going in, love the company I hold for 8 hours a day and just genuinely like being there. I cannot even begin to describe to you just what this 1 decision has done for my life. It's been amazing for me!! So let'

So today is our 8 year anniversary..it actually started out pretty good...I remembered to make the coffee, let her sleep in a few extra minutes, great start. We had a hair appointment for 5pm tonight, knowing I would go in first and Loni would come right from work. You know what they say about plans....Loni ran into traffic and got lost, then called me upset, eventually crying and yelling (dropping a lot of the old F bomb as I recall!!) I know she was not mad "at" me but it was quite difficult to hold my own frustrations back because I knew that would only make it worse. But we told her not a big deal, we would just hang out until she got there since my hair was done.....well a few minutes later I got another call that was even worse. Loni is quite difficult to reason with when she gets upset, she gets more upset that she is upset by a situation that is out of her control. Say 1 thing wrong and you get the whole world of hurt thrown onto you. So I rescheduled her hair appoint

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License . So my lovley dog Jersey decided I need to be up slightly earlier than my usual 530am today. Not a huge deal mind you, I am working an earlier shift, I could already smell the wonderful vegetarian chili Loni had simmering all night long...okay I'm up. But, when the house is dark, and you must be quiet what the hell do you do? Evidently today I blog. Let's see, over the last couple of weeks things have been super stressful in my life. Between Grandpa Broesch passing away and my parents visit, I think I hit my limit. Of couse last week Tuesday I got a cold which I fought all last week. So that knocked me down for a day of work, but on that same day, I got a phone call that offered me a new job. Instant healer I think...seems I started feeling better that very day! My new job will start Monday October 13th and I will be working customer service for Summit Credit

So, I need to cut myself some slack, it's been quite a long week. Let me see if I can summarize it for ya. Saturday I interviewed with Sun Prairie Police Department, Loni's grandfather died on Sunday morning, Tues night Loni's sister and 3 year old niece stayed here (no one went to bed until after 2am YIKES) up early to get ready for the funeral, we managed to procrastinate half the day away just not wanting to go. Anyway, the funeral was quite something, I had never been to a military funeral so I didn't know what to expect there, but what got me was the moment we arrived Loni started to fall apart - so of course I knew I had to the be one that was "together" and her mom walked up to us and said someone sent you guys flowers. You guys? Meaning me too? Who would do that?! I went and looked at this beautiful plant and this is what the card said "To Loni & Jenn & family, Our thoughts are with you. From, Your MGHA family" That's when I lost

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License . So just before 8am Sunday, Loni's grandfather went to sleep, and didn't wake up. Last night we had a chat and just knew that he would be gone today. Seeing him on Friday was just excruciating and watching how the family was being pushed to exhaustion was almost too much. Although we didn't want him to leave us,we all wished that he would not suffer anymore. He's not anymore. But, this causes me so much conflict, and my brain and heart are pulled in so many different directions. As a kid, when someone I knew passed away I was always comforted with the notion of "they are going to heaven" or "they are with God now" and that was just how it was. But things are different now, I am not the same little girl that I was. That type of thing is no longer a comfort to me and I just don't want to hear it. I am also so conflicted about how

I don't even know if exhausted begins to cover it right now. Since last week I don't think I have averaged over 3-4 hours of sleep a night and emotionally we are really hanging on by threads right now. I am so focused on trying to make sure that Loni has anything she needs yet this week is extremely busy for me too so I am not home as much as I wish I could be. And to top it off this weekend is my dual police department stuff so it's stressful for that reason too. I just feel lost, busy with "stuff" to do but waiting for when that phone call comes in. And to top all of this off, my parents will be here for 4 days next week. I just have too much stress in my life at the moment. As I was walking out of my meeting tonight I just stared at the moon and listened to the waves on the shore... Did I mention I saw a rainbow tonight? beautiful

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License . I really don't know what to write right now. Loni's grandfather is very sick and at this moment, is taking what we think will be his last breath. We were called up there at 5pm tonight because he was calling everyone Loni so it was felt that he needed to see her. I know that at 11-12pm today he will be getting a communion. They say about a week, give or take. But tonight he was saying he wanted to go home, and he was reliving memories and talking to people that have gone on long before we ever knew them. I know it's the natural part of life but it doesn't make it any easier to watch someone die. Tonight when we got home I went down to be with my friends, well family. Those people that I know mean that they are there no matter what. I don't know why the loss of Loni's grandfather is having such an impact on me, I have only known him for 8 years

What is a scar? Webster's defines a scar as 1. a mark left (as in the skin) by healing of injured tissue 2. a mark left on a stem or branch by a fallen leaf or harvested fruit 3. a mark or indentation resulting from damaged wear 4. a lasting moral or emotional injury My definition is that a scar tells a story. I have a scar on my chin from when I was 5 and showing off on my bike and ended up with 18 stitches. A nice scar on my knee from basic training when I didn't quite crawl low enough during my low crawl under a razor wire fence. Far too many surgical scars from where something was wrong and a good Dr. went in to fix it. So this weekend I was at my friends annual birthday party and a friend of mine, who has a talent for getting ladies to flash him, was up to his old tricks. Anyway we went into the bouncy castle (yup the kind you are thinking of from when you were a kid..what can I say, it's tradition) so anyway, we sit in there having one of those heart to heart chats

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License . So starting with the good stuff. Friday I am at work feeling ho hum about my duties, lamenting how I really need a new job, blah blah. When my phone vibrates telling me I have a new email which is from city of Sun Prairie and it has 1 line that I can read that says congratulations. I almost jumped out of my skin for a moment. I ran to the nearest computer and pulled up my email which told me I had passed the written exam and was moving onto the oral board interviews. HOLY CRAP!! And I thought I was gonna bomb their test. Shows how much I know. Anyway, I have 2 interviews on Sept 13th in front of various panels and I don't know how soon I will hear but I was one of the top 50 which is sweet. My friend from work also moved on, whoohoo! Oh did I mention I have a 45 page packet to fill out? Nice, I know! Now onto the sadness that going on in my life right now. Loni&#

I just got home from a phenomenal training session with my new friend Sid. I met her on the ride and she is a personal trainer at a gym. She offered to train me tonight so at 8pm I met her down at the gym and we worked out for almost 1 hour. It was a workout like I have never had before. I was excited about how this could really be for me, that perhaps I could get back into shape again, and in time for the test at Madison. But that was where I new it was going to be difficult, I have a bad track record of joining gyms and then just never going, I do it to myself. But I have proved that obviously I cannot commit to something. I don't know what it is but I get super excited about something and have a plan or a goal then I just let it slip through my hands. Back to tonight, training is expensive, it's not something you pay $40 a month for and that's it. I thought I would use the money I made from the wedding I just shot, but that isn't enough. I wasn't even going to br

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License . So today I didn't go into work. I have many reasons, so many excuses, bottom line is that I feel like I am going to have a nervous breakdown there. Unfortunately, we are so mismanaged and things are so secretive that it's just tearin me up. I have so many things that I am excited about these days, Act 6 just got done, Hockey is right around the corner, school will be starting up again in 2 weeks and the weather is awesome! So what is my problem? Every day between 8-430pm I just die inside. I am treated like crap, watch my co-workers struggle and have to answer to some of the most unrespectable individuals on the planet! ugh! I have a lot of things going well for me and I am trying to focus on that, but I am just so unhappy with most of the day!! Okay enough whining.. I can't stand it! This weekend should be a lot of fun. I have some putsy things to do aro

Yesterday we pulled into Madison and completed this years Act ride. It was a beautiful route, very hilly but just gorgeous. It's amazing just how beautiful Wisconsin is when you are riding out there on your bike. I think my favorite sound was the wind whipping through the corn, it's awesome (especially if I think I created the wind and I raced by). The ride feels like a family reunion in a way, there are people you only see this one time a year, but you have this special bond that you would wrap your arms around them in a hug if you saw them anywhere, but you just don't see each other that often. There are also those people you see a lot and this just strengthens the bond that you already share. When you eat, sleep, shower, ride, cry, laugh and get a massage with people for 4 days straight it's quite something. I felt really good on the ride physically. I think I am really lucky since I didn't train well for the ride to feel as good as I did. I believe it's on

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License . Well this is what it is all about, today is day 0 as we call it. Today is the day that ALL the riders and crew come from wherever they call home, and meet together to register for the ride, gather up materials, turn in pledge money, say hi to fellow Act'ers and prepare for tomorrow. This year is very special to me, so many people had to chip in and help (of course it took freeking out and having a breakdown first) but I am so thankful to my friends. I would not be a rider this year with out them! In fact while I am writing this I am listening to a radio station that will have some friends on it for the ride. I am sure there will be a hill or two that I will be cursing their names but it is all worth it! I spent this morning picking up our trucks, loading them full of gear and helping Aids Network folks get ready. I can't believe that day 0 is here, the next 4

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License . So some people in my life know that I have been agonizing over the decision to ride or crew for Act 6 since I have not yet met my minimum. I must decided if I will have "faith" that the donations will come in, even after the ride, or not. But I have had 2 people step up and say "I will help" and send emails out to friends, post on facebook you name it. That is what your family does, they might not be able to help you themselves necessarily, but they will reach out to everyone they know and help you though. Bri and Aaron, you guys don't know what this means to me and I appreciate it very much! I just don't have the words right now, this is what the Act rides are about!

I don't know how to put into words the concert last night. As usual Melissa was full of energy and that voice, oh that voice! Although she had said a few years ago she would keep her hair short, she is sporting a longer mane for this tour. I suspect she is going back to the full, long hair that we all know and love. She played for 2hrs & 38 min before walking off stage "finished" but being a true Melissa fan, I knew she would be back out for more. And I was not let down, she came out roaring and ended with Piece of My Heart. It was a fabulous concert, I am not disappointed in the least. Not only am I a fan of her music, I love seeing her live as well, one of the few that can sound just a good live as she does on the CD you buy. WHEW! What a night!!

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License . Having been a Melissa Etheridge fan for, eh, practically my whole life, tonight marks the 2nd time I have seen her in concert. I am more excited than I can put into words. Her concerts are super fun, full of enegry and she is well worth the time out of my life to go see. I remember being in my room in my parents basement cranking up "Come to my window" and "Yes I am" and singing to the top of my lungs. ahh memories! All that and I am going with a group of friends which should make it a blast! WHOOHOO!

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License . I am totally bumbed right now. Yesterday I started to come to the realization that unless some miracle happens or I meet someone that wants to donate a lot of money, I will not be able to ride for Act 6. Fortunately because I am on the steering committee I can move over into the crew side, but I really want to ride. It's just not the same thing for me. Granted I have not trained like I should, again, but riding is what it is all about for me! In fact, I don't know if I can be a part of the ride when I can't be a rider. It is so depressing to me. Basically I am about $800 short of the minimum amount needed for a rider. No small peanuts I know! This year is just really tough for donations with the way the economy is, and unlike some people, I don't have a business supporting me with a few thousand dollars. In face, I can't even get people at work to

I have found myself wondering recently why I started this blog. When I started it was a place to capture my thoughts as I worked some awful shifts at work, an online journal of sorts that was my little secret. I didn't tell anyone about my little slice of cyber space and frankly it wasn't anyone's business. After a while I realized that a lot of friends, a lot of family members also had blogs and suddenly I was able to see what was going on with them at any time, even though I was in WI. I decided I wanted some people to know what was happening in my life as well. Recently I have been able to merge those two thoughts into one place that I "let it all hang out" if you will. My blog is a place to release fears, be excited about stuff, wonder about life, and ultimately clear some head space from time to time. Regardless, I have invited you (yup you...the one reading right now) into my life. All I ask is that you respect what you find, don't be judgmental and kno

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License . I figured it has been a while since I posted anything, I don't have a lot to share right now..well that's not entirly true either. Let's see if I can do the short, short version. Loni got a new job yesterday (HELL YEAH!!!) she is working in some fabulous fancy schmancy law firm downtown with a great view or something. Starting to make me very jealous, but I am very excited for her, she deserves to be in a good place and one of us should be happy dammit! Um, it looks as if I will be going back to EMT school next month. Although it's not official until I think Monday, I will be the newest member of DeerGrove EMS and they are sending me back to school. The cool thing is that every level I want to take and get closer to paramedic (and ultimately get it if I want) they will pay for it! As I was driving out there I thought perhaps this isn't the time to

Today I got a letter in the mail from a familiar address, with familiar handwriting, but such sadness inside. There was a letter along with a card for a memorial service. My dear pseudo-grandmother passed away last month, Loni used to call her Grandma Helen. I never called her grandmother because I had 2 wonderful grandmothers in my lifetime that can never be replaced. Helen was the step-mother to my birth mother Kathy. I met her just before my 21st birthday, I think it was a lifetime ago. Helen was my connection to a part of my past that I have worked so long to understand and accept. The gist of the letter said that it was one of Helen's daughters and she was writing to tell me that Helen had passed away. Evidently Helen saved all of my letters and was glad that I kept in contact with her. It was very sweet that these people that didn't know me at all, would send me something so I would know. Obviously I am sad, but more than that, for the first time in 10 years I must not

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License . Ya know when your body is just telling you to slow down a minute, relax for a second, catch your breath?! Well that was today for me, just need a day to center myself again. Although it helps when you have a stack of police department applications you are submitting as well. I have come to realize that although Madison PD is my preference, in order to be realistic I should also apply for those areas surrounding that I will accept as well. So, that is what I will be hacking away at today, trying to get these 14 pagers done and printed so I can turn them in and get hired. Real simple, just wish it didn't take around 7mo-1yr to happen! I just realized that I can have a cup of coffee and enjoy the whole thing, hell I am brew a pot and drink that whole thing if I want to. Whoohoo! Simple things in life is all it takes sometimes. So the old saying, "stop and smell

Just on principle I usually do not watch movies that are about the military or soldiers. Many times I don't like how these movies are shown, and just because it's cool to wear some camouflage pants or dog tags does not mean that you deserve such a right.  Being a soldier was one of the best things I have ever been a part of and I miss it. One of my biggest regrets in life was not doing more as a soldier and getting out in 2004. If I could do it over, I would have stayed in, I would have have been ready to take my turn overseas. It actually makes me really sad when I think about it and perhaps that is why I don't like to watch these movies. I would give anything to put that uniform on again...

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License . Ah another weekend is here, although this post finds me sitting at the office waiting for a Lion to drop off a case from Milwaukee. Actually last night found me here, this morning I was on the phone working and now I am here again. Well it wouldn't be my recovery weekend if it wasn't slightly busy. As I was leaving the house to come in, I got my honey-do list, things I can just do while I am out and about. This coming from the one that was able to stay for dinner with our friends and then went to another friends house until 1230am. And of course guess who had to get up with the dogs at 6am? yup me! Oh well, if she had fun I suppose that's the main thing. I will be dammed if both of us are miserable just because I have to work. At least one of us can be having a good time hanging out with friends! Ugh, I am just frustrated with work latley (well okay it

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License . So this morning I went to workout and I was in a mood. Somewhat down, somewhat something. Perhaps it was the grey skies and rain latley. Anyway, while I was suffering though a run (ugh hate running) a song that I love came on the ipod and I think I will just leave the post with here are the words. Anastacia- "You'll Never Be Alone" The world is changing and time is spinning fast it's so amazing how you came into my life I know it seems all hope is gone I know you feel you can't be strong and once again the story ends with you and I And anytime you feel like you just can't go on just hold on to my love and you'll never be alone Hold on we can make it through the fire and my love I'm forever by your side and you know if you should ever call my name I'll be right there you'll never be alone Hopeless to describe the way I feel fo

I really don't know where to start. I am actually laying in bed right now making a mental list of the things I should or should not write on here tonight. Not because I am scared of anything I might post, but I don't know if I could stop, making this blog the longest in history! I have so many things going on right now, some are really really good and I am so excited. Let's see if I can recap. I am currently serving on the steering committee for the Act 6 ride, on the Board of Directors for the Token Creek Lions Club and now...drum roll please... new member of the MGHA board. I don't yet know my role for the MGHA but I am super excited because I feel like I already have some kindred spirits with me and I hope I can help steer the league for future players. We have a wonderful gift to share and I want to protect this league. So, today I was a challenge at work. This week has been absolute and utter hell at work. I feel my blood pressure jump the second I walk into the

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License . What can I say about the weekend? I played hard, worked hard and had a good weekend. I don’t know why such great weekends go so quickly and the work week pokes along. We are not much of the 4th of July bbq or cookouts, definitely not much for the fireworks (crowds and mosquitoes) . Friday morning we went up to the Dells to take a look at the wedding location and scout out where pictures would be best. I must say that it hit me at that moment that I am totally responsible for all of this wedding photography, and it is now a scary thought. What if I screw this up? What if I don’t get good pictures? What if she hates me and this ruins a friendship? But if I am more positive, this could really be a lot of fun, something I find I like, I could get a lot of clients from this as well since the bride has a lot of friends that are not married yet. After the trip there we wen

Okay please allow me to rant a little. Beware, I could use some profanity if the mood is right. Okay I am coming off a recovery weekend today, not a terrible one. I did stay up a little late on Friday night working on some health things with a friend. So, okay I was up until about 1am. Get a call at 3am, dealing with some work stuff until about 5am. Then, 7am starts more work..all day. Then at night, we went with the girls out for a long drive just to take a long walk. I know it sounds funny, but we really did have a specific destination in mind but anyway, exercise was needed. Got home at a decent time, not early by any standards and had a decent night sleep...well until Sarge vomited right next to my head at 4am. This resulted in me laying on the couch for a little while and being paged again around 630am. So, off I go again do another case and make it back just in the nick of time for lunch with a friend. The rest of Sunday went pretty good but I was still somewhat tired. Then I ge

Some people rant and rave, some cry and scream. I am not saying that I don't do these things, but when something upsets me...or really gets to my heart I write. A friend of mine recently asked me why I don't post any of my writings on here...well here ya go. Hero I started thinking today, about what my legacy would be. Would I do things that matter and make someone see? Have I used time on this earth well, will I go to heaven - or banished into hell. The great thing about our hero is that even when they're gone, the part of us that they touched will always live on. The thing about a hero is, not just what they do or say, its about how they choose to live their lives each and every day. Hero's help push you higher than you thought you could every go, dig deeper than you thought you could and push your thinking beyond what you think or know. A hero makes you better just because you walk arm in arm, they help you stand tall, watch your back and keep you safe from harm. B

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License . Have you ever wanted to talk to your “younger” self?! I have so many things I would love to me a younger Jenn. Things like pay attention in school, it really would be easier if you would just try. I would take more science classes, not so many study halls. I would also stay in school the first time. I could have graduated in 1999 instead of 2007!! I think I would tell myself to relax and enjoy being a kid sometimes. Remind myself that this time would not last forever, and that someday I will look back on those days and realize how much fun I really had (don’t get me wrong, I still wouldn’t want to relive it!!) I would also have gone along with my original idea of joining the Army early. I still have my letters of recommendation that were written for me my senior year when I was contemplating a career in the military. I would have gone active, and chosen to go somewh

Okay rather than start off with the bitching that will ensue here in a few minuets I will share the good things, or celebrate the successes as a former boss of mine used to say. First off my day started with a friend asking me if someone could help me with some fundraising. He wants to put up a donation can of sorts where he works. I will take any/all help I can get, but then again, that is what this ride is about. So on to being bitchy.. my executive director finally came back today, just a reminder he is the one that will be making the decision to hire me for the new position or not. Anyway, so after talking to him for a little while I did ask what was up with the position. He said that the decision is not made yet and it will still be another week or two (this means it will be 5 ish weeks since the interview). Then he proceeded to ask me where I was at with the police department process. When I told him that the test was still a few months away he almost was taken back. He said th

So when I posted last I had shared the story about surviving though all the rain to take the pictures...well it didn't really stop raining after last weekend. In fact, for about a week we had nothing but torrential rains. Increased rain = flooding in our state. It was unreal how much flooding and damage has occurred. This past weekend I took my camera to try and capture some of the flooding and tornado damage, to see these please click here and here . I got a call last week from a former co-worker that said she had a great fundraising opportunity for me as a way to kick off fundraising for the Act ride. I was super excited, I just needed 4 people and I would have a parking lot that I could charge $5 a car and all the $$ raised would be for my cause. At 300 spots I would reach my goal in 4 hours!! Well of course it can't be that simple for me, who was I kidding?! We stood out there with our signs and saw the gloomy weather creep up, this was only matched by the glares we recei

Okay here we go for part 2..I got home sometime after 1am on Sunday morning and all about preparing for the task at hand which was seeing and photographing the Indigo Girls of whom I have been a fan for a long time. We started out with breakfast with "the girls" aka Michelle and Mary, as well as Mel. Again the torrential rainfall started again, of course I kept saying I don't care as long as it doesn't rain tonight. This was the night I wanted really badly..I do not get the pleasure of going to concerts often, so I couldn't beat this!! This time I was able to get Loni to come with me, along with the promise of a backstage pass as well so she could be my "assistant" for the evening. So double bonus, a concert that I LOVE along with the one I love. So we head out early in the afternoon with the sun on our backs and a freshly purchased giant umbrella on our sides (never trust a weather person on a big night!) We walked around for a while since it has been