It's been a hard week

So, I need to cut myself some slack, it's been quite a long week. Let me see if I can summarize it for ya. Saturday I interviewed with Sun Prairie Police Department, Loni's grandfather died on Sunday morning, Tues night Loni's sister and 3 year old niece stayed here (no one went to bed until after 2am YIKES) up early to get ready for the funeral, we managed to procrastinate half the day away just not wanting to go. Anyway, the funeral was quite something, I had never been to a military funeral so I didn't know what to expect there, but what got me was the moment we arrived Loni started to fall apart - so of course I knew I had to the be one that was "together" and her mom walked up to us and said someone sent you guys flowers. You guys? Meaning me too? Who would do that?! I went and looked at this beautiful plant and this is what the card said "To Loni & Jenn & family, Our thoughts are with you. From, Your MGHA family" That's when I lost it. That card says it all, our MGHA family. I know Loni doesn't feel as strongly to this group of individuals as I do (yet) but they are my family. My family of choice, my family of support, my family of people I can turn to.

Anyway, back to the week and then I can elaborate on this. Wednesday night my parents came to town and I went to their hotel for a while before coming home to an empty house and letting myself feel some of the emotions that I had been holding in all week. Thursday my folks and I started tearing out the old doors in my house, I also got an email that I passed the interview portion of Sun Prairie so I would be waiting to see if I was selected to interview with the chief at this time or put on a wait list. Essentially, this means providing my background looks good, I could be an officer within a year. HOLY CRAP! Friday was more working on the house, and today has been working on the house. My parents leave to head home tomorrow, and as thankful as I am for their help because this was a massive project, I am ready for them to leave. It's hard to have them acting with such disrespect in my own home, flipping over pictures because they don't want to look just not being respectful that they are in my home. This brings me back to the family thing.

I have no siblings, I don't live within any reasonable distance of my family so I am somewhat out here on my own. I have a few cousins that I keep in touch with, and I treasure that but those are the only family contacts I have. Hell, my own parents don't even tell me about reunions!! So I have created my family out here of a supportive group of people that I am very grateful for.  My only problem is that I don't feel that I deserve them. I haven't done anything to "earn" their support and love. But, when push has come to shove lately they have each stepped up and been there to catch me when I was ready to fall.

I think about Mary & Michelle, who strategically have sent text messages just saying, "we're here, we're thinking of you" knowing that sometimes I don't answer back and that's okay too. I know if I picked up the phone right now and said that I needed them, they would be there - in a heartbeat. Top notch friends to have in the back pocket.

I also think about Bri, who I have taxed in more ways than she would tell me recently. From the visits to the coffee shop just saying "give me the strongest thing you have" to actually bringing me snacks to nibble on while we study because she knows I haven't been taking care of myself. Also, allowing me to share step by step with her breaking heart as I was scrambling for something. And knowing when I was 1 step away from a total meltdown just hours prior to the interview, and she just gave me coffee and said I am here. Cannot thank her enough.

I also think about Gerry and Joe, and Stephen that were there at the Sham that night when all I wanted was to have some fun, put a smile on my face and they did just that. They made sure that for at least 2 hours, I didn't think about anything happening in "the real world" and kept a fresh drink in hand and a hug always ready.

My MGHA family, my chosen family, my support system.


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