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Showing posts from November, 2008

It's Turkey Day

So I had a whole post written up but it seemed dismal and depressing so I erased it.Today was full of hockey, and doing nothing. Didn't have a homemade meal at all. I have much to be thankful for, and many to be thankful too. Some people that saved me in more ways than they will ever know, and have touched my heart. I don't and shouldn't need a special day to tell those people that I am thankful for them, yet sometimes the words just don't come out. So, I hope today was spent in the company of those you enjoy, and for a brief moment you remembered that you are special. Because while I built a fire and looked in the flames, I thought of you and was so thankful!

Wandering mind

So when I let my mind wander away from me I always seem to end up blogging. good thing? maybe. Anyway, I am feeling even more blah and more sadness around the holidays this year that usual. I dislike the holiday season, mainly because there is too much fakeness in people. I can't stand the I will pretend to like you during the holidays and spit on you the rest of the year crap!
Holidays make me feel very lonley, if I must be honest, they do. They break my heart. I don't really have a good explination for this, I can't put into words really just why I feel lost around holiday time. Maybe it's because I am far from family. Maybe it's because everyone seems to have a family of their own and I feel left out. Doesn't really matter why I guess. But I have always felt like the fifth wheel.
So, origionally for Thanksgiving this year we were going to have Bri over since I know her family is doing other things. And tonight she let me know that her dad is by himself at ho…

Thanksgiving

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Thanksgiving used to be my favorite time of year, favorite holiday out of all of them. I think it was because my dad’s side of the family got together on Wed night and my mom’s side was an all day Thursday type of thing. I remember after school the snowy drive out to Holland to a church building to have dinner & Christmas with Grandpa & Grandma and all of my cousins. We would be there late into the night and spending time together as a family, I loved those nights. I can still hear the laughter in the back of my mind sometimes.
Thursday we would get up for church then race home to pack whatever we were bringing and head out to Holland/Zeeland to my Grandmother’s and in later years my aunts. We would have tables set up all over the house, kids tables, adult tables, food galore. This was always my favorite side of the family, we were a giant clan that would eat a…

Something cool is happening

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Over the last year I have found a sweet hobby of photography. I think it allows me to be bolder than I would typically be and it let’s me into people’s lives that I would be into otherwise. I have a decent eye and try to tell my story without a forced look; I like my subjects to be just as I see them in the moment. In fact, I don’t do well with posed pictures, makes me nervous. I want to see you in my film as I saw you in the moment.
With all of that being said, the pictures that I took for the rally this weekend have been getting a lot of buzz which is SO exciting to me. I am so touched, humbled and in awe of the comments I have received. Many, okay, most of which are from total strangers.
I am speechless…and truly honored.

An emotional day

So today was a rally here in Madison to fight the H8 and equal rights for LGBTQ people. Even thought everything with Prop 8 happened in CA you wouldn't know it here, it stings deep all the way in WI. I don't know why love scares people. Give me reasons that go beyond religion. I am so sick of the hatred that spews out of some people, love is love, it's really that simple.I had a great day today, time with Mary, stopped by to see Bri with some warm coffee, a little pho, and watching some hockey. I love my Madison family, gives me peace.

love is love

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So, I wasn't going to put this on here but I am just still bothered by it so I figured I would share it then. I love to use facebook, it's a fun place for me to catch up with old friends, jab at those I currently see and just let my hair down (so to speak.) So, I was shocked when about 2 months ago my mom also joined facebook and then requested to "friend" me. Against my better judgement I went ahead and did so, making sure to start censoring myself a little and blocking certian things from her. But, one thing about facebook is that you can express your support for various groups and/or causes. So, a week or so ago someone sent me something to support leagizing gay marriage which I fully support, and I posted that on my page. Well last night my mother decides to comment on this by saying "not a good idea."
Initially I was PISSED OFF, not hu…

Restless

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I have been feeling very restless lately - I could use a vacation, or getaway..whatever u call it. I want to hop in my truck, and just drive. honestly I don't care where. I want to turn up music, my music, and sing at the top of my lungs. I want to get away, not runaway, but take a breath.

Me

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Who Am I??
I am a slightly neurotic, obsessive hockey player that wishes to be better than my current skill level will let me be
Adopted daughter to Earl & Joyce
Co-Treasurer to the MGHA
Lion Tamer for Token Creek Lions Club
Steering committee for the Act ride
A partner
Fur babies momma
A faithful employee in a growing organization
A fiercely devoted friend
An extremely shy individual (bet you didn’t know that one!!)
A book worm
A video game geek
Someone that likes to sit back and watch
A person that remembers a lot, especially when it’s about people I care about
I notice when you are fighting the tears
I really want you to hug me too
I need to have time alone, but not too much
I want you to want me in your life
When hurt, I can cut you off forever
I panic at the thought of losing my father
I am terrified of public restrooms
I could go to an amusement park for every vacation
I am very h…

Swirl

I feel like my emotions, thoughts and life has been swirling around me lately. I have had an outlet for some of it, but that has been censored too. I feel like I have to censor a lot more now, not because I want to. Sometimes I feel like having a blog is my only way of letting some of my friends know what is going on with me. And the funny thing is that I see these people often. But why do we share information like this? What is wrong with sitting down and talking to one another?Personally, I'm likely to actually sit and chat, I clam up more. Not sure what that is about. The part of me that searches for those close connections also pushes them away. I want them to ask the questions, yet I am afraid to give the answer.The swirl of emotions, the gut check.

You

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So many things have been happening lately. I think sometimes I need to remind myself to slow down for a minuet, take care of me for a while. So many thought, memories, emotions that are coursing through me recently. Some I wasn’t planning, some that I have shoved down about as far as I can. This time of year is a great struggle for me. I find myself in a constant search for the family that I so desperately need. I don’t’ know what is worse, to lose your family in death, or to lose them because you are shunned. I have talked often here about what this group of friends here in Madison has meant to me. This is my family of choice, my brothers & sisters that I have never had, those that stand shoulder to shoulder with me and pick me up when I fall. And although I feel that they care about me and would do anything for me, I can’t help but wonder if that is true. I keep…

My Friend

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To trust someone so completely
To start to open up that protective cocoon
To let go just a little
To accept wholeheartedly
To be the supportive one
To stand shoulder to shoulder with
This is what a friend does
This is what a friend is
That barrier between hurt and hope
The arms that wrap you up
The shoulder that is always there
The one you call for a ride
The one you ask for help
The one you look at right in the eyes -
Letting you know you are safe, and you are loved.