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Showing posts from June, 2009

Feels like yesterday

I can't believe it's been almost 3 months since Loni's mom died. To be honest it still doesn't seem real. I keep waiting for her to call, and sometimes when we do something ridiculous I can still hear her laugh - that smoky chuckle that she had.

Yesterday a friend of hers had to take her mom into the hospital, we call her mom La. Anyway, La ended up in ICU, intubated, mild heart attack and pneumonia. Reading Nancy's posts yesterday made everything that we went through with mom seem like it was yesterday...just too similar. The big difference is that she got to talk to her La and it looks like she might get out in the next day or so. This is awesome news..and it also makes me sad. Why didn't we get that chance? Why couldn't we talk to her?

This is how life is supposed to be, the ups and downs, sorrow and joy. It's just hard, and it feels like yesterday.

Bad things always come in three's

So today Loni lost her job, "due to the economy" in a budget cut sweep they say. Great. Fabulous. Wonderful.
Of course the first things that go through my mind are

1. How will we pay the mortgage
2. No more health insurance (damn my job for not having domestic partner benefits)
3. How will we pay the mortgage
4. Will we have to give up hockey?
5. Damn her work for doing this
6. Damn, Damn, Damn
7. Shit, Shit, Shit
8. What do we do?

So, now that we have all that out, we are taking it in stride. She has 1 months worth of pay, some really good legal connections and there is always unemployment.
So they say bad things come in threes...
1. Grandpa died in Sept.
2. Mom died in March
3. Loni loses job in June.

Okay universe, we have taken the 3 hits, can we please, please, get something to start going in our favor? I know things happen for a reason, I know this means something, I know I should see the sign.
I'm looking!

Signs

Do you believe in signs? Messages or directions sent to you buy “someone” that lead you in the direction you are supposed to go?

Funny litany of events has happened over the past couple of days that has me thinking someone is trying to tell me something. Friday I hit my threshold of what I could tolerate at the moment and was feeling really down about my life, well my job rather. I spent the majority of my day relaying this information to 2 people that I trust, one that seems to “get” me and really does understand how I “tick” and the other that has known me over 25 years. Just seeking some advice, some counsel, something to say yes you can, or you’re an idiot…something.

What kind of sparked this was a feeling that I am just unsatisfied with what I do for a living, still questioning my desire to be a police officer. It’s been a nagging thing in the pit of my stomach for months; well if I am honest it’s been years. I play softball with almost an entire team of cops as well, which has had…