Signs

Do you believe in signs? Messages or directions sent to you buy “someone” that lead you in the direction you are supposed to go?

Funny litany of events has happened over the past couple of days that has me thinking someone is trying to tell me something. Friday I hit my threshold of what I could tolerate at the moment and was feeling really down about my life, well my job rather. I spent the majority of my day relaying this information to 2 people that I trust, one that seems to “get” me and really does understand how I “tick” and the other that has known me over 25 years. Just seeking some advice, some counsel, something to say yes you can, or you’re an idiot…something.

What kind of sparked this was a feeling that I am just unsatisfied with what I do for a living, still questioning my desire to be a police officer. It’s been a nagging thing in the pit of my stomach for months; well if I am honest it’s been years. I play softball with almost an entire team of cops as well, which has had my brain working overtime as well, the “that could be you” mentality. It’s been eating at me for a while. So on Friday I get an email from Loni asking how serious I was about doing the cop thing. When I asked her why she said that one of her friends (who is on my softball team & whose partner is also a cop) said that they would help you get ready and I was surrounded by cops to help me. I will be honest, this made me cry, sitting here at work in my little cubicle I broke down. Signs.

Then, yesterday, while on the way home from an air show I got a phone call from an old friend of mine. We were very close while in high school & have been playing phone & email tag for years. She said that on Friday she was thinking about me and wanted to call me and catch up. Signs.

So, what to do next, do I follow the signs, put the sweat and blood & tears behind it and do it? It almost seems ironic to me that next year marks 10 years since I started Army basic training. I did that a little older, a little wiser than the young kids going through it at the time. Do I trust my “gut” and go for it, knowing that I don’t have that many more chances to go for it, age is taking care of that too quickly. Can I stick with it?? I am my own worst enemy on these types of things. I don’t’ want to live with regret in my life, but I am terrified to fail.

I don’t want to be a person that had all the opportunity, and didn’t listen to the signs.

Comments

Kimberly said…
I meant to comment right when you posted this, but didn't end up doing so. Anyway, here I am now and I want to offer my advice to you. You can take it or leave it for what it's worth. As long as I have known you as an adult, you have been in love with the PD. GO FOR IT!!! What could possibly be holding you back??? I have watched you from afar and you go thru jobs like water. I don't want to sound harsh, but you obviously haven't found something that REALLY floats your boat. I just know that the extremely hard work that you will have to put into it to make it work will pay off in the end. It sounds like now is the time to do it. Use the incredible timing/offers, etc to just do it. Besides, if you don't take that leap, you will never know and then you will always wonder, what if? Stop leaving in the what if world. Just Do it! So what if you fail? At least you tried. Well, that's my pep talk. You can toss it out the window if you like, but I didn't want to let this post slide without comment. Good Luck to you in your new venture - I know you can do it!
Kimberly said…
At least my comment isn't as long as your post. I was a little bit nervous about that. ;)
Jenn said…
Kim,
Thank you very much for the comments. I happen to agree with you. I just think sometimes it helps to know I have support of people around me, not to mention the fact knowing I am not nuts and this is a good idea.
Thank you again!! Your right, the comment was not as long as the post :O)

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