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Showing posts from February, 2009

Lost

I really don’t know how to make it work anymore. I don’t know how I can be what you want me to be, and you can be what I need you to be. I used to think we had it all, we had it better. I know you are upset, I know I am upset. What do we do? Where do we go? How do we get around this?
Somewhere we fell into this little routine, even though neither one of us likes it. How do we fix that? What do we do?
Do you notice when I cry? I know when you are upset, you stop talking to me, you are distant. Like you are now
It’s silly really, the reason that we fight. Do we spend too much time together? Is it because we just want spring and summer here so badly we are hardly surviving the winter?
Will we survive each other? Can we?
So what is the next step, what do we do from here?
Would it matter to you if I wasn’t here anymore? Would you rather I am just gone?
Do I intentionally upset you just to get something out of you? Some type of acknowledgement from you? Some kind of emotion?
I miss a lot of thin…

Lost

I really don’t know how to make it work anymore. I don’t know how I can be what you want me to be, and you can be what I need you to be. I used to think we had it all, we had it better. I know you are upset, I know I am upset. What do we do? Where do we go? How do we get around this?
Somewhere we fell into this little routine, even though neither one of us likes it. How do we fix that? What do we do?
Do you notice when I cry? I know when you are upset, you stop talking to me, you are distant. Like you are now
It’s silly really, the reason that we fight. Do we spend too much time together? Is it because we just want spring and summer here so badly we are hardly surviving the winter?
Will we survive each other? Can we?
So what is the next step, what do we do from here?
Would it matter to you if I wasn’t here anymore? Would you rather I am just gone?
Do I intentionally upset you just to get something out of you? Some type of acknowledgement from you? Some kind of emotion?
I miss a lot of thin…

Inner Child Screaming??

Ever since I was a kid I was always doing things for attention and to be someone that would stand out. I found a lot of that through my sports and the successes I had there would always fulfill that part of me. But the other thing that I so desperately wanted was friends, real friends. Well I always wanted that “best friend” that everyone else had. So often I was drawn by the popular girls, the ones that wouldn’t spit on me if I was on fire type. I would allow them to use me and treat me very poorly yet I kept coming back. I was never as pretty, never really interested in the guys (oh would I would give to have known a few things back then) and my parents would not buy me all the “cool” clothes that their parents did. I was tormented by why they would not like me, why I was not good enough and what I needed to do to be one of them.

I figured as an adult I would outgrow those feelings and not have the same anxieties about friends as I grew up. Last night it dawned on me that I have the…

blah

I haven’t been feeling like myself lately. Not sure how to put a finger on it anymore. In a funk or something. Not sure how to get over it.

Just DO it

So I decided 2 posts in 1 day is not too much. I have a lot to say at the moment. Excuses, ugh, I am so sick of excuses. I am sick of my own excuses, don't get me wrong, I might hate everyone else's but I need to point the finger right back at myself as well. I just cannot surround myself with people that take the short way around things because they are simply lazy people. Believe me, it takes one to know one. I can be quite a lazy person, in fact why am I writing this instead of working out? First thing that comes to my mind? An excuse.So, get off your ass, stop being lazy and JUST DO SOMETHING!

Hello world..yes I am still here

So it’s been a while since I have posted anything on here. Not that I don’t have anything to share but again I don’t have the time/energy to relay things. I am still trying to find the rhythm lately to get things together, too many meetings, commitments other stuff just takes priority. I am actually at a point for the Act ride that I am debating if I want to stay on the steering committee. I love helping plan the ride and getting mentors all set up for people, but between the MGHA, my EMS stuff and general life I just don’t have the time anymore. But how crappy is it to drop in Feb when the ride is in Aug? I don’t know, I just can’t hang it up but I know I need to let something go. We will be starting Eskrima soon as well which is awesome but again 2 nights a week, then there is more hockey coming this summer.

The MGHA has been super stressful recently, we have had some board members leave and new ones join but for some reason I feel like we are spinning out of control. I am trying t…