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Showing posts from September, 2008

What the hell do you do at 5am?!

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So my lovley dog Jersey decided I need to be up slightly earlier than my usual 530am today. Not a huge deal mind you, I am working an earlier shift, I could already smell the wonderful vegetarian chili Loni had simmering all night long...okay I'm up. But, when the house is dark, and you must be quiet what the hell do you do? Evidently today I blog.
Let's see, over the last couple of weeks things have been super stressful in my life. Between Grandpa Broesch passing away and my parents visit, I think I hit my limit. Of couse last week Tuesday I got a cold which I fought all last week. So that knocked me down for a day of work, but on that same day, I got a phone call that offered me a new job. Instant healer I think...seems I started feeling better that very day!
My new job will start Monday October 13th and I will be working customer service for Summit Credit U…

It's been a hard week

So, I need to cut myself some slack, it's been quite a long week. Let me see if I can summarize it for ya. Saturday I interviewed with Sun Prairie Police Department, Loni's grandfather died on Sunday morning, Tues night Loni's sister and 3 year old niece stayed here (no one went to bed until after 2am YIKES) up early to get ready for the funeral, we managed to procrastinate half the day away just not wanting to go. Anyway, the funeral was quite something, I had never been to a military funeral so I didn't know what to expect there, but what got me was the moment we arrived Loni started to fall apart - so of course I knew I had to the be one that was "together" and her mom walked up to us and said someone sent you guys flowers. You guys? Meaning me too? Who would do that?! I went and looked at this beautiful plant and this is what the card said "To Loni & Jenn & family, Our thoughts are with you. From, Your MGHA family" That's when I lost…

Gone

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So just before 8am Sunday, Loni's grandfather went to sleep, and didn't wake up. Last night we had a chat and just knew that he would be gone today. Seeing him on Friday was just excruciating and watching how the family was being pushed to exhaustion was almost too much. Although we didn't want him to leave us,we all wished that he would not suffer anymore. He's not anymore.
But, this causes me so much conflict, and my brain and heart are pulled in so many different directions. As a kid, when someone I knew passed away I was always comforted with the notion of "they are going to heaven" or "they are with God now" and that was just how it was. But things are different now, I am not the same little girl that I was. That type of thing is no longer a comfort to me and I just don't want to hear it.
I am also so conflicted about how I s…

Exhausted

I don't even know if exhausted begins to cover it right now. Since last week I don't think I have averaged over 3-4 hours of sleep a night and emotionally we are really hanging on by threads right now. I am so focused on trying to make sure that Loni has anything she needs yet this week is extremely busy for me too so I am not home as much as I wish I could be. And to top it off this weekend is my dual police department stuff so it's stressful for that reason too.I just feel lost, busy with "stuff" to do but waiting for when that phone call comes in. And to top all of this off, my parents will be here for 4 days next week. I just have too much stress in my life at the moment. As I was walking out of my meeting tonight I just stared at the moon and listened to the waves on the shore...Did I mention I saw a rainbow tonight? beautiful

A Man At The End

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I really don't know what to write right now. Loni's grandfather is very sick and at this moment, is taking what we think will be his last breath. We were called up there at 5pm tonight because he was calling everyone Loni so it was felt that he needed to see her. I know that at 11-12pm today he will be getting a communion. They say about a week, give or take. But tonight he was saying he wanted to go home, and he was reliving memories and talking to people that have gone on long before we ever knew them. I know it's the natural part of life but it doesn't make it any easier to watch someone die.
Tonight when we got home I went down to be with my friends, well family. Those people that I know mean that they are there no matter what.
I don't know why the loss of Loni's grandfather is having such an impact on me, I have only known him for 8 years. …

Scars

What is a scar? Webster's defines a scar as 1. a mark left (as in the skin) by healing of injured tissue 2. a mark left on a stem or branch by a fallen leaf or harvested fruit 3. a mark or indentation resulting from damaged wear 4. a lasting moral or emotional injury My definition is that a scar tells a story. I have a scar on my chin from when I was 5 and showing off on my bike and ended up with 18 stitches. A nice scar on my knee from basic training when I didn't quite crawl low enough during my low crawl under a razor wire fence. Far too many surgical scars from where something was wrong and a good Dr. went in to fix it. So this weekend I was at my friends annual birthday party and a friend of mine, who has a talent for getting ladies to flash him, was up to his old tricks. Anyway we went into the bouncy castle (yup the kind you are thinking of from when you were a kid..what can I say, it's tradition) so anyway, we sit in there having one of those heart to heart chats..…