Really missing family today. We didn't go anywhere at all just stayed home. Felt somewhat lonley, felt kinda sad. We need to create our own traditions here but it's just tough right now.

Here's to hoping the holidays go quickly.

Giving Thanks

What can I say about Thanksgiving day? This has, hands down, been one of my all- time favorite holiday’s my entire life. Over the last few years this has been more of a difficult one though being away from my family. I come from a pretty large family when you get down to counting the actual numbers. Both of my parents had a slew of brothers and sisters who also had 4-5 kids of their own and so on for the rest of them.

As far back as I can remember on Wednesday night we would pack up the car once dad got home from work and drive out to Holland for his side of the family. Along the road there was always this little hill in the middle of the highway and knowing how this was what I loved my dad would floor it as we got to this hill so you could get that stomach dropping feeling. All night we would sit with his side of the family, doing our Christmas as well at the same time, playing with my cousins, cuddling up to my Grandfather and listening to my aunts gossip. We would get home pretty late and usually I slept the whole way home waking up just in time to hear my dad say “Punky we’re home, time to wake up” and shuffle into my bed.

Thanksgiving morning was always filled with smells and excitement; my mom would do a pie or homemade buns for cream of turkey that night. We would have to get a bunch ready before church because when we got home it would be pack up and head to the VK side of life. We would head into Zeeland all day on Thursday, in the early years ALL of us would be at my Grandma’s house, filling the house with kids, smells of turkey and pies coming from the oven and a fresh pot of coffee brewing in the corner. This was what I loved the most were those early years, my cousins lived next door and we would play for hours in their back yard, out in the barns and if it was too cold out we would play in the hallways. When dinner was ready we would all head to the basement where there was a banquet sized table and of course a giant kids table to match already set up. Everyone would be jockeying for a seat next to their favorite aunt/uncle/cousin and far away from mom and dads. After dinner the “guys” would gather in front of the TV to watch football and the “ladies” would all be in the kitchen, doing as much talking as dish washing. The kids would busy ourselves playing and running around, sitting on my Uncle Larry’s computer if he would let us until the fun part of the day begun. Around 4pm everyone would leave Grandma’s and make their way to the skating rink, picking up friends and other family members along the way and we would all meet up again to skate the night away. We had limbo contests, we showed off on our skates and we just loved being a family. There was a huge spread of food again with all the leftover turkey turned into the best cream of turkey sandwiches. Those that couldn’t make family dinner would show up there at night, and there would be new squeals of excitement. As the family got bigger families started having smaller groups at their houses, splitting the family up for dinner, but always coming together again at night for the skating.

Having moved away from home and not able to get back as often as I want to I have had to search out my own traditions which drastically changed again this year. For the past few years we have spent the morning chatting with Loni’s mom while she was making her deviled eggs and heading north. We would often go to Loni’s brother’s house at some point to hang out with his family. 2 years ago we spent our Thanksgiving moving into our first house, hosting a feast via cardboard table for those that helped out. It’s been hard to find that sense of holiday over the last few years but I think this year we feel it even more. This week marks a few things for us, it’s the first holiday with Loni’s mom, Deb’s birthday would have been the 28th, and it also marks 8 months since she passed away. That’s a whole lot to absorb in 1 week; I think it’s going to be tough on Loni this year. We are going over to a friend’s for dinner, but I wouldn’t mind if we just stayed home too.

I am feeling sort of blah about the whole thing. But I am going to try and get into the holiday spirit and surprise Loni by getting the house decorated tomorrow while she is at work. I am also getting our HD service hooked up on Tuesday so there goes my day off who knows how long that will take!

So what am I thankful for this year? I am thankful that both of my parents are in good health – and will be leaving for Florida on Sunday. I am thankful for Loni & what we have together, can’t imagine life without her, even with the struggles we have gone through this year. I am thankful for the life that Deb lived, for the opportunity to know her and love such a wonderful lady. I am thankful for my friends, though the circle is large, I am thankful for those that I let in close to me and how they enrich my life. I hope they know just how much they mean to me.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

Couple more thoughts

So yesterday I went on some little tirade about a few things, so here are some more thoughts today.

Lot's of recent changes to guidelines for women. Changing when we should have a routine mammograms, and then today it's announced about changing the pap smears. Now, I am not a big doctor person, I don't like to go. Actually haven't been there for 3 years now that I think about it,however, I don't think it's smart to start changing these guidelines. I read today on CNN that out of every 1,000 women ages 40-49 that get their mamo 2 will be diagnosed with breast cancer. I know in this day and age money seems to run everything, but I bet if you ask those 2 women if this was important to have done they would agree it is.

These days women are finding cancers on their own in their twenty's..but wait, we're not supposed to do those pesky BSE's or breast self exams. After all, it's better that the Dr. we see every what 3 years feel around to see if they can find anything, but the boob that dwells on my own body I should check to make sure it feels okay??

UGH, this has me livid right now.

I come from a family where according my my adoption records my mother and grandmother both had breast cancer in their lives. If I am lucky, I will get to avoid this trend in my future, if I am not so lucky when will I be allowed to be screened? I am still trying to understand just how someone sitting in some office somewhere can dictate how women get screened for such a thing? Wait, these are the same asses that also decide that I am not allowed to marry my partner or how many of our soldiers get sent to a war that we should not still be fighting.

This trend is starting to make me nervous, isn't this how some other countries started? I betcha the next thing with be MRIs - there are already huge waits for these. My parents are under the belief that had all of this happened 4 years ago when my dad had his heart surgery that he wouldn't have been helped. He is under the belief that the hospital would have turned him away because for a 70 year old the cost to do a quadruple bypass would just be too high. Is that really where we are going? I certainly hope this is not the case, but I am not sure anymore.

Some Pet Peeves

So in the spirit of being irritated with people these days let me just run down just a few of the pet peeves that drive me up the wall.

Smokers that stand IN FRONT OF THE DOOR. Okay, I know I am in a northern climate so it's cold sometimes. But seriously, I do no appreciate walking in and out of hockey with smokers standing at the door working on their lung cancer. And of course when I am walking into a store or out to eat and I have to walk through the puff of toxic air..thanks people. I find this extremely rude and just disgusting. Before I place all of the blame on these individuals that are just as content to share their cancerous activities with the rest of us, I should look to the establishment that places the smoking receptacles directly IN FRONT OF THE DOOR!! You people should be ashamed that the first experience someone has with your location is this. But again, this state does not have any limits on how far these bins need to be from a door. Shame on you Wisconsin!

Okay I know it's not fashionable - and I am not really up the the latest fashions out there, but why are we wearing not only our pajamas to the store these days but the slippers as well? Really? Could you not at least put some shoes on? It's interesting to see the full on pajamas too, not the sweat pants and t-shirt type of look..but the I just rolled-outta-bed and drove right here look is something else. At least if you had curlers in your hair I would be able to see that you were trying. But seriously, that's just not something you wear in public.

Leading me right to the I-do-not-pick-up-my-feet-when-I walk shuffle. This is for anyone that walks, from the kids to their parents, and don't think I am not noticing those that are old enough to have figured out how to pick up their damn feet!! Unless you have some sort of disability, there is no reason that you cannot put one foot in front of the other without shuffling along. My grandmother, who used 2 canes until the day she died, didn't even shuffle her feet as she walked. It was difficult but she was able to pick her feet up enough up off the ground to move forward.

Public displays of affection also drive me insane. Now I am not talking about the quick nobody is looking type of thing. But I am talking the groping, you are my "possession" type of thing. If you really cannot stand to be separated by a strand of hair then take it to a private place. I don't care if you are gay, straight, all alone or whatever. If you cannot pry yourselves off of each other then it's time to move it out of the public eye.

I cannot stand people that talk just to hear themselves talk. That is what the blogging world is for. If you have something to say get a blog and you can rant and rave forever. Otherwise, perhaps you should check yourself and your facts before opening that big trap.! Sadly, I know way too many of these people. Of course since I hang out a lot with hockey people this is where I see this the most. Especially in the locker rooms!! ugh, people!!

Okay since it seems like I am on a I hate people day I think I will stop...this list could go on for days I am sure. I might even update it when more inspiration comes my way. Never know if you will make the list....

In the meantime might I recommend looking at one of my favorite examples of why we need to have a committee that can determine if certain people should be allowed to ever procreate please see www.peopleofwalmart.com

Failed

The word fail is defined as:
1. To fall short of success or achievement in something expected, attempted, desired, or approved.
2. To be or become deficient or lacking; be insufficient or absent; fall short
3. To lose strength or vigor; become weak

Well that sort of sums it up. I prefer to think of my weekend in terms of #1. I know that in order to succeed sometimes we must fail, but it really sucks. Especially when you put a lot of work into it and prepare for so long to accomplish something, falling short just isn’t acceptable.

People that know me know that I am competitive and I don’t like doing something if I am not good at it. This is probably why I hated piano so much, never continued in soccer and have not downhill skied since I was 21. Running is not my strongest skill, sure I can sprint from here fast – even if I haven’t done it in a while I am sure I am still pretty quick. But any distance to the run and I struggle, which is why I have been getting up at 515 in the morning to hop on a treadmill to get running. Apparently my plan didn’t quite work out for me. While doing the test over the weekend I maxed out the sit-ups (did 36 in 1 min...Probably a personal best there) and I did the bench press instead of pushups so I did 75lbs 18 times. And then we got to the run, let me tell you, when I ran against UW in college I either never noticed how dry it was in here so I was on a different planet. I have NEVER been in a gym that was THAT dry. So, it should not surprise you that on about lap 5 of 12 my mouth felt like I had cotton balls shoved into them, which started me to panic, therefore I was having to focus on my breathing while trying to stretch out a side stitch that I found myself with. Very long, painful, story short, I went 1.39 miles before I was pulled off the track for time. Remember I had 14:30 to do the 1.50 miles…that was a big NO GO.

I failed. All over. Finished.

So that’s that, it’s over – this time. I will have a year to prepare if I want to try it again.

I can at least say I tried.

Here is a fun little treat to add to this post. I got my postcard the other day for the test. Out of a possible 18.9 on the written test I scored 18.2. I don't know if that makes me happy or want to scream. I am not sure if that makes me fee even more humiliated about the whole exam process or not. I have been avoiding some of my friends that are on the department because I just don't know what to say - I feel like an idiot.

So much.

So after an embarrassing loss to the Milwaukee team it was time for the party. Seemed like a decent enough time but we are just not party people so we didn’t stay too long. Long enough to see people were getting drunk and loud which is our clue to take off. Ended up home around 1030 or something. Such party poopers.

Sunday we caught the UW Women’s hockey game in an awesome, awesome performance by the team. They are starting to come together nicely – which does take time when you have a new group working together. But it’s nice to take a team like that and see that they can struggle, they can have issues but you know they are working their butts off during the week to bring it all together. Having been a student-athlete I know how much sacrifice goes into those games. You have to give up a certain part of the “college experience” to focus on your sport. Granted the payoff is traveling to other locations and getting certain perks by being an athlete, but it’s tough.

Sunday night we had our MGHA game, last one of the night again but that will be done soon enough. Anyway, as we are getting ready to take the ice our coach says “Mimi’s mom passed away this morning, we are playing this game for her” wow, what a way to start the game. This fired the team up, we came out and were on point and we did a great job. I was excited to play against 2 players that are, by far, much better players than I am but that is what drives me. The little victories of poke checking the puck, or getting in their way – those to me are worth more than the actual score. Especially when one of them is super tall, really fast and starts to act like a jerk on the ice when they are upset - like I said it’s the little things.

I am also in panic mode for the test this weekend. I was rather hoping I would break my leg this weekend so I wouldn’t have to do it, nice huh? Anyway, I do think that I pulled a groin muscle or something, hopefully that will heal and I will end up not embarrassing myself too much. I am just not very confident in my ability to pass this exam. I know I have to go in with a positive attitude (my dad has been harping on this forever) but it seems like every time I am getting ready to take this test something happens. The 1st time there was an accident and I couldn’t find the location, the 2nd time Loni’s Grandpa passed away, so 3rd time is the charm right? It’s either that or I need to move on. Have I mentioned I am terrified about this?? ugh. I guess in 6 days it will be over…16 days and I will know the outcome. What will be will be

Looking ahead

Running…I really hate running… but every morning my alarm clock rings at 515 so I can drag myself to the basement and hop on the treadmill. The only company I have each day is my cat who slinks around chasing his spiders or other creatures of the basement that I would prefer not to think about. My motivation is the PT test for the PD coming up in just 20 days, the Ironman in 3 years, the fact that I USED to be able to run much faster/farther, and perhaps a little to prove to Loni that I CAN do it like I said I would. I refuse to let something like a run stand between what I want to do and what I can do.

I will be honest; I am terrified by this test. The last time I did a PT test for a PD was when I was 23 years old. I was in tip top shape; I had everything going for me. I didn’t realize then just how bad I wanted it – I know you need to get to a point to recognize this but dammit why wasn’t I paying attention?! When I am running I think about all my friends that are currently officers, especially the ones here in Madison. They all know I am testing, and I don’t want to look like a fool. I don’t want to fall flat on my face and disappoint them. I also know how excited my dad is, he is just over the moon that I am testing for the PD again, slightly sad that it’s not in Michigan I think but he is excited non-the-less. I find myself telling people that find out I am testing that I am realistic that I might not possibly pass, or that it is extremely competitive – which is all true, but I think I am also saying that because I don’t want to get my own hopes up to high.

My folks will be here in a couple weeks, they will join me for a UW Women’s hockey game & also catch one of mine – then they will really see the skill level difference  I always look forward to this visit except for the fact that this means I will not see them for the next 5-6 months when they head down to Florida. My dad has been pushing so hard for me to come down to visit, I might actually try to scrape up enough PTO days to do that but I don’t know yet. Don’t want to promise and not deliver that.

Deep breaths…1 mile at a time…Believe in Yourself.