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Showing posts from April, 2011

I always end up crying

I love my parents and I enjoy their visits but usually when there are here I end up crying. I am stuck in between spending time with them and not keeping my partner out of the house. I just can't keep doing this, I am so stressed & I am sick of being in the middle. I just can't keep doing this...

Time to let it go

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Some people just bring drama around way too much. I am at the point that I just need to cut all those people from my life, no time and no room for it all. If you can't live life drama free you need to go somewhere else!

In other words..here is the first picture of me ever taken. I have never seen a picture of myself before the age of 1 so seeing me at 1 day old is something rather strange. But here I am :O)
Here is baby Bobbi Jo
And this is me and Grandma Great!
It's strange...different time, different name..different family.

Sorting it all out

I am still trying to sort everything out, trying not to push too hard, not to throw myself all in without taking some time to absorb the information.

I am struggling with everything regarding my brother tho. He is young, focused on himself and shows signs on occasion of being interested in me he is not very good at answering my questions or responding back to me. I am trying not to be frustrated, but it's hard. I keep trying to remind myself what it was like at his age and to understand what he must be feeling to just find out about me. I am trying to separate my own feelings from what must be going on with him.

I am also trying not to feel disappointment in all of this. Those dreams I had when I was a kid that this birth family would swoop in and take me away - that they would all be these great people that missed me terribly. And what I found was a lot of struggling and hurting individuals, brothers that didn't know I existed and didn't share the same feelings. All I eve…

Overload

So much information. So many stories, so much learned over the last few weeks. Sounds like a family was shattered almost 34 years ago, and I think the child that shattered them might also be helping them mend those hurts all these years later.

Sill so much to take in...

Thoughts

So tomorrow is the big day and I admit I am slightly terrified. I have many emotions and I don't know quite what to think yet. Part of me is super excited, nervous and then there is a part that is scared. I don't know what to think.
I seriously thought I was going to have a panic attack today at one point.

Just have to remember to breathe.

So many emotions

So many emotions have been going through my head. Overwhelmed, sadness, more recently anger. I still don't know how to wrap my head around it. For so many years I dreamed my my "real" family would swoop in and rescue me from my life. Not that I had such a horrible life mind you, but something about knowing someone didn't really mean to let me go...that they made a mistake. And for what? This family that didn't want me? A family I didn't know?!

Well now I am older, I get to hear the background story, hear and understand what really happened. Not what my childhood mind made up one night while crying in my bed.

Only 5 days and I will get to meet my Aunt Deb face to face, understand more of what happened. And I am trying to prepare my head and my heart for the difference in imagination and my reality. I am excited, nervous & I think a little terrified. When I first met Kathy it was about getting some medical questions answered, it was partial curiosity and sh…