Yet I find myself, sitting in the dark, writing. I have been out of sync, kind of off pace for the last couple of days. This time of year is always awkward for me...birthdays make me think of the wonderful gift that a scared 17 year old girl gave me 30 years ago. She decided that after almost 1 year of trying hard to care for me she just couldn't do it anymore. She drove into the city, and gave me away with the hopes that someone would love me and care for me like she wanted to do. It takes courage to do that, it requires the ability to look out for someone other than yourself. This week marks 10 years since I met Kathy aka birth mom. 10 years since I sat across from her, and told her thank you for having the courage to ask for help. I am who I am, because of the opportunities I have had in my life, a life that would have been remarkably different had she kept me. Thank you Kathy, you did the best you could do.
Showing posts from April, 2008
This weekend I wrote a letter. It was a frank, honest letter, stained with the tears I cried as I wrote it on Saturday night. I had a choice to make, it was time to stand up and declare what I felt was no longer acceptable. The 3 page letter to my parents told them that I loved them very much, and I did not want to lose them in my life. But I can no longer live 2 lives, I cannot exclude my life partner in important events or even our own home because they come to town. That unconditional love means there are no conditions to love. I told them that I have always tried to make them proud, and for the most part I think they are, yet they are ashamed to have a gay daughter. Many times I have felt that they would rather have a dead daughter than a gay one. And that I was created by God just as I am, for a reason and they need to begin to accept that. Although it may seem somewhat harsh to tell them they must begin the acceptance process, it was the only way I can fully be me. I want to be …
It is true..or at least I think so. Work has been my own personal hell for a while now and every time I think it cannot get worse, there is a new twist. I really wouldn't know where to start to explain everything that is happening there, all I can say its just not right. I am sick of being degraded where I work and treated like a piece of shit every single day.For a bit of good news in my gloomy world, I had a ride along last week with the police department that went really well. I really enjoyed myself and found that I was right at home! I have 12 months to prepare and hope I get in on my first try. Here we go!