Wandering mind

So when I let my mind wander away from me I always seem to end up blogging. good thing? maybe. Anyway, I am feeling even more blah and more sadness around the holidays this year that usual. I dislike the holiday season, mainly because there is too much fakeness in people. I can't stand the I will pretend to like you during the holidays and spit on you the rest of the year crap!
Holidays make me feel very lonley, if I must be honest, they do. They break my heart. I don't really have a good explination for this, I can't put into words really just why I feel lost around holiday time. Maybe it's because I am far from family. Maybe it's because everyone seems to have a family of their own and I feel left out. Doesn't really matter why I guess. But I have always felt like the fifth wheel.
So, origionally for Thanksgiving this year we were going to have Bri over since I know her family is doing other things. And tonight she let me know that her dad is by himself at home so she is going to spend Thanksgiving with him. I think that's awesome! In fact, I would pick that!! But,as soon as I said that I just broke down and cried, partly because I want that too! I want to feel that connection to something or someone. I know Loni will go out and hunt in the morning, and I will encourage her to go to her brothers for lunch, I know that's where she wants to be. Maybe I will go to the gym for a while, try to figure myself out. Maybe I will go to the EMS station and see if anything is going on.
maybe.

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