To make a decision

I just got home from a phenomenal training session with my new friend Sid. I met her on the ride and she is a personal trainer at a gym. She offered to train me tonight so at 8pm I met her down at the gym and we worked out for almost 1 hour. It was a workout like I have never had before. I was excited about how this could really be for me, that perhaps I could get back into shape again, and in time for the test at Madison. But that was where I new it was going to be difficult, I have a bad track record of joining gyms and then just never going, I do it to myself. But I have proved that obviously I cannot commit to something. I don't know what it is but I get super excited about something and have a plan or a goal then I just let it slip through my hands. Back to tonight, training is expensive, it's not something you pay $40 a month for and that's it. I thought I would use the money I made from the wedding I just shot, but that isn't enough. I wasn't even going to bring it up to Loni but it ended up coming up anyway and as I thought ,she was really upset with me for even thinking of wanting to train. Sid felt that she could get me on the right track in the 3 1/2 weeks that we have before the test. But, rightfully so, Loni is skeptical, upset that I would rather use that money on myself than on something like the fence, or paying bills or something else. This is where I am frustrated. I have had how long to prepare for the test, yet I don't, so now it's crunch time. So, I have a great chance to do something and my hands are tied. I am in this place right now that something need to change, something needs to budge. It's like either way I get screwed in the long run.

I feel like again, I am just flappin out there, alone. What does it matter.....


Kimberly said…
I can't tell you how many times I have done the same thing. I use every excuse in the book to procrastinate and then, it's too late and I have to pay more to get it done or it takes longer to accomplish the task. I'm probably more on the side of Loni when it comes to spending money on "unnecessary" stuff rather than on things that need to get done. However, it seems like you are in a pretty bad funk lately and you could really use something to "pick you up." I dunno - sometimes life can just suck and drain all the energy out of you. I hope that you can come to some kind of compromise.

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