Mid Saturday Thought
So I was on my way in to do some stuff at work today and I was letting my mind wander (and they think cell phones are dangerous) and I was reflecting on my dad, how fitting with Fathers Day this weekend. I am really excited to hang out in MI in a few weeks, it's been a long time! I am seeing a few of my family members, otherwise it's just me, my bike and my folks. I am going to hopefully get to spend some time with my friend Jen, I can't believe we have been friends for about 25 years, crazy! I am sure a couple of my cousins will be out for the 4th of July at Sandy Pines, and I am hoping to get coffee/lunch with my cousins Kim and Shawn. I am getting my laptop ready to learn some scrapping. I am getting a new camera in July so I am ready to start snappin!
Anyway, on to my dad, about 1 1/2 years ago I got a huge scare when my dad needed open heart surgery. He is 72 years old now, and starting to act his age. I am at a point now that I am so scared of something happening to him. I know it is natural, that our parents are supposed to die before us. I have lost enough people in my life...but it's like waiting for the other shoe to drop. I admit, I call my father every day, I enjoy talking to him even when it is how is the weather over there, how was work and what is the price of gas by you. I know someday I will miss each one of those phone calls. So every time when I see my dad I hug him a little tighter and for just a little longer. I hope that I have been the kind of daughter that he dreamed that I would be. Although, I am betting that isn't, I know he dreamed of walking me down the aisle to marry some nice young man. I know he dreamed of grandchildren and having me over for dinner on Sunday afternoons after church. Then again I am sure that he thought I would at least be attending a church!
That brings me to another though, church. Honestly I don't recall the last time that I stepped into a church, could have been grandma's funeral I think. After growing up in church and having it "forced" on me for so many years I just can't get myself to go anymore. I question some of the things I was taught to believe and frankly if religion makes you decide that you cannot accept your daughter, then I want no part of it. My whole life I was told that God made me, yet when you find out that I am different then you have an issue? Take that up with God I guess! I just cannot follow blindly behind something that encourages discrimination and hate! I think it's great that most of my family is very religious, and I admire their faith in faith. I just don't know that I share it.
Anyway, on to my dad, about 1 1/2 years ago I got a huge scare when my dad needed open heart surgery. He is 72 years old now, and starting to act his age. I am at a point now that I am so scared of something happening to him. I know it is natural, that our parents are supposed to die before us. I have lost enough people in my life...but it's like waiting for the other shoe to drop. I admit, I call my father every day, I enjoy talking to him even when it is how is the weather over there, how was work and what is the price of gas by you. I know someday I will miss each one of those phone calls. So every time when I see my dad I hug him a little tighter and for just a little longer. I hope that I have been the kind of daughter that he dreamed that I would be. Although, I am betting that isn't, I know he dreamed of walking me down the aisle to marry some nice young man. I know he dreamed of grandchildren and having me over for dinner on Sunday afternoons after church. Then again I am sure that he thought I would at least be attending a church!
That brings me to another though, church. Honestly I don't recall the last time that I stepped into a church, could have been grandma's funeral I think. After growing up in church and having it "forced" on me for so many years I just can't get myself to go anymore. I question some of the things I was taught to believe and frankly if religion makes you decide that you cannot accept your daughter, then I want no part of it. My whole life I was told that God made me, yet when you find out that I am different then you have an issue? Take that up with God I guess! I just cannot follow blindly behind something that encourages discrimination and hate! I think it's great that most of my family is very religious, and I admire their faith in faith. I just don't know that I share it.
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