I feel like Sally Field

First of all I totally feel like Sally Field right now…you read it, you really read it! Anyway, enough of that!
Nothing much to report lately other than my days just seem to be flying by! I am happy to report that today my boss realized that my current sucky schedule of 10-630 was just not a worthwhile one, and had decided to move me to the 6-230 one. This is a huge win for me on work happiness, although slightly early, I am going to focus on going to the gym after work. I am excited in the summer I will be able to get out and snap some pictures as well…good times!
I got my new issue of Rangefinder Magazine (it’s a professional photography mag) and it is all in black and white and the pictures are just fabulous! I have not had the camera out since new years now…damn I think it’s time to change that! I am thinking with the $$ I made doing Angela’s wedding this summer that I will look into getting 2 things for the camera. I need a backpack that can hold all my gear and my tripod, they are not cheap at all, holy crap they are expensive. The other item I am looking into is a Wacom tablet. I don’t know a ton of people that have used this, so I am not sure if it will be worth it or not. But it seems with editing photos with a mouse is quite difficult and this would make that smoother…thoughts??

I am trying to think of the best way to get the biggest bang for my buck since I don’t know when the next paying gig might happen again. This could really be the end of the paying ones, which isn’t that bad. I do my photography for fun anyway, and I really don’t want to be classified as a wedding or portrait photographer. I would love to be more of a photojournalist…but not really sure that I could do anything like that anymore.

On the hockey front...I still have not turned in my essay. I decided to add more “personal” stuff in it. I think that is why I have not submitted it … it feels like I am just putting myself out there. What if I am selected? What if I am not? What will people think when they read it? I know that is silly, and it should not matter, yet it does. I did email Bri for the cover sheet which she provided promptly, so now it’s a matter of sending it.

Okay I am still hopelessly bored at work…perhaps I will think of more things.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Creeping up on the big 4-0

Image
Wow...almost 40 already?! Where does life fly away to when you are not paying attention? I have had a lot floating through my mind as I spend the last 15 days of my 30's looking back on what has all happened in my life and I have made some decisions. As an adoptee there are things that I didn't know I did or realize about myself until recently. The way that I tend to push others away always fearing they will leave me first. The way I put up barriers around myself so others cannot hurt me- not willing to trust too easily or not believing that a person is genuine. And, when someone does something that hurts me or pulls away from me I usually comment about how I expected as much. I have spent too much time in my life wondering about, wishing for and hoping that my bio mother would come around. 20 years I have tried to have conversations or a connection that I so desperately thought I wanted or needed. Something clicked for me this week, I don't need her- and frankly, if y
Read more

Alone

Image
Some days I feel like I am all alone. I find it hard to love myself because it feels like no one else loves me.. So how can you love yourself? Maybe I am not love able- after all I did get rejected by my biological and adoptive mothers. I just don't know anymore. 
Read more

My Memory

This time of year one hears a lot about national coming out day  which happens to fall this week. So I decided that it would be a good time to share my story as well. I spent the day yesterday retracing my first few months in Madison down on State Street. When I first moved here I really did not have anywhere to go and I certainly didn't know anyone, so I would spend hours walking down the street and watching people. Many times I would sit and write or read, I find that this was one of the most creative periods of my life. Anyway, it amazed me then, and I felt it yesterday, that even around so many people a person can feel so alone. I knew long ago that I was gay, I would say early teens. Unfortunately, where I grew up and in my family, being gay was one of the biggest taboos that one could be. Growing up in such a religious family and area, diversity was not high on the list of things encouraged. When I finally accepted myself I was resigned to the fact that I would never, ever,
Read more