Heartbreak

Doesn't look like my friend has much longer. She was doing so well, but apparently this week they found 4 more new tumors on her spine and she started having issues moving her legs. She went back to the hospital and I heard last night is now on palliative care heading to hospice soon. Selfishly I am so upset that we are to this point already, but I know she has fought hard. The most selfish thing for me to do would be to stay home and not see her through the rest of her journey, but I will not be able to live with that.

It's not fair that a woman this young is debilitated and will ultimately lose her life to cancer. I am upset, I am mad, I am so sad for all the things she will never get to do.

I am thankful that for her last hockey game ever I was there. I was on the ice skating with her, defending my goal as she was trying to score her last one. She would never have let me live it down had I just "let" her skate past me.

She was the one that started calling me Double N. My softball team nickname. She is the reason I had 4 great summers playing softball again.

I just don't know how to say goodbye, how to walk up there and let her know that she has fought well, and it's okay to let go.

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