This was a post I wrote a few days ago about things that were happening in my life.
So I have been in a slump lately. Not feeling fully connected with much, too busy, too tired, too many excuses. I feel that I am so far away from me, that I am too wrapped up in other, non-essential things. With everything that has been going on, I have a few friends that I have stood by my side, traveled with me to an event that really did not mean anything to them (at the time) but they went for me...simply because I asked them to be by my side. Those are the type of people that I need to surround myself.
On Saturday we went to hear Mary Lou Wallner speak about her experiences and her "testimony of hope." For me, this was the first time back in a church in a long time, and it was a strange feeling to be there. But we had a great dinner and some yummy dessert before the program started.
Almost the instant Mary Lou stepped up to speak I could feel my throat tighten up. The similarities between Mary Lou and my mother are uncanny. It's almost scary how they look similar, have similar beliefs. I did good while she was speaking, only a few tears squeaked by. But it was hard. It was so hard to sit there and listen to these people, Christian people, in a church no less, talk about how they welcome people just like me. But the hardest thing was listening to how Mary Lou talked about what happened to her daughter. She had committed suicide and Mary Lou never got the chance to reconnect with her daughter after shunning her for being gay.
I have been in that place before, I have contemplated suicide in the past..even attempted it. I have been in that dark and lonely place before, many days I am still only 1 step from that place.