Heartbreak

So my parents are coming for a visit in 3 days. As usual right now I am busy trying to choreograph the entire visit, trying to make sure they enjoy their visit, and allowing for time to hang out. This weekend is going to be slightly longer since they are coming on Friday and not leaving until Monday so they can watch the hockey game Sunday night. While they are here we will attend my work holiday function and do some work around the house. Sound pretty simple and nice right? Well that is where the kicker is… since they have STILL not met Loni (after 7 ½ years) they will not be in the same place as her at the same time. This usually causes me the anxiety since I do not want to ask Loni to leave her house and make sure my parents are not uncomfortable.

But, I am at a point that I am not sure what to do. I know my parents are set in their ways and their thinking, which I am not trying to change. But at what point can I say enough is enough!! How long will they continue to sit in their judgment?!
They are predicting another weekend of snow and freezing rain which means Loni will not go up hunting as planned and then I will not be able to have them over to the house because she will be home. I cannot nor will I ask Loni to risk her safety to drive somewhere if the weather is poor just so my parents can see the inside of my new home. For too long I have tried to take the high road, hoping that somehow they will come to understand me, or care about my life and who makes me happy.

I wish I knew someone that could talk to them, help them understand or comes to term with this. A co-worker told me of a story about a young girl that was gay and her mom was a strict christian as well and couldn’t accept her daughter. So the kid committed suicide. Now the mom realizes that wasn’t quite so bad….

I just wish I had an answer or a solution… I just feel sad and upset

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Creeping up on the big 4-0

Image
Wow...almost 40 already?! Where does life fly away to when you are not paying attention? I have had a lot floating through my mind as I spend the last 15 days of my 30's looking back on what has all happened in my life and I have made some decisions. As an adoptee there are things that I didn't know I did or realize about myself until recently. The way that I tend to push others away always fearing they will leave me first. The way I put up barriers around myself so others cannot hurt me- not willing to trust too easily or not believing that a person is genuine. And, when someone does something that hurts me or pulls away from me I usually comment about how I expected as much. I have spent too much time in my life wondering about, wishing for and hoping that my bio mother would come around. 20 years I have tried to have conversations or a connection that I so desperately thought I wanted or needed. Something clicked for me this week, I don't need her- and frankly, if y
Read more

Alone

Image
Some days I feel like I am all alone. I find it hard to love myself because it feels like no one else loves me.. So how can you love yourself? Maybe I am not love able- after all I did get rejected by my biological and adoptive mothers. I just don't know anymore. 
Read more

My Memory

This time of year one hears a lot about national coming out day  which happens to fall this week. So I decided that it would be a good time to share my story as well. I spent the day yesterday retracing my first few months in Madison down on State Street. When I first moved here I really did not have anywhere to go and I certainly didn't know anyone, so I would spend hours walking down the street and watching people. Many times I would sit and write or read, I find that this was one of the most creative periods of my life. Anyway, it amazed me then, and I felt it yesterday, that even around so many people a person can feel so alone. I knew long ago that I was gay, I would say early teens. Unfortunately, where I grew up and in my family, being gay was one of the biggest taboos that one could be. Growing up in such a religious family and area, diversity was not high on the list of things encouraged. When I finally accepted myself I was resigned to the fact that I would never, ever,
Read more