Wow...almost 40 already?! Where does life fly away to when you are not paying attention? I have had a lot floating through my mind as I spend the last 15 days of my 30's looking back on what has all happened in my life and I have made some decisions. As an adoptee there are things that I didn't know I did or realize about myself until recently. The way that I tend to push others away always fearing they will leave me first. The way I put up barriers around myself so others cannot hurt me- not willing to trust too easily or not believing that a person is genuine. And, when someone does something that hurts me or pulls away from me I usually comment about how I expected as much. I have spent too much time in my life wondering about, wishing for and hoping that my bio mother would come around. 20 years I have tried to have conversations or a connection that I so desperately thought I wanted or needed. Something clicked for me this week, I don't need her- and frankly, if y
Some days I feel like I am all alone. I find it hard to love myself because it feels like no one else loves me.. So how can you love yourself? Maybe I am not love able- after all I did get rejected by my biological and adoptive mothers. I just don't know anymore.
I just don’t understand what is happening anymore. Where did the days go of being there for your community? For helping a neighbor? The days where we looked at our police officers and thought they were swell. Where did the days go where you rode bikes until dark and came running home when you heard mom calling for dinner? Where did the tv shows that taught us a lesson become replaced by shows glorifying being young and pregnant or a never-ending stream of reality garbage?! When did it become okay to scream at someone you don’t know because you have judged them as different from you? How did it become acceptable to humiliate and denigrate another human being simply because they were themselves? How did we end up with someone that feels exclusion is better and demonizing a group of people is the right way to react- running for the highest office in the land? How is it that a national group of powerful, wealthy people can buy our congressman and senators votes to promote their agenda whi
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