Life has been crazy as usual lots of work and hockey. Our team made playoffs, which is happening this weekend in Milwaukee, by the skin of our teeth. Our season was so up and down, playing really strong and together one game and then just falling apart and playing awful the next. There has been a lot of drama from the coaching issues and whether or not our team is getting what it needs. I struggle with this a lot, as a relatively novice hockey player I am soaking up hockey like a sponge every opportunity that I get, and I am playing with women that are treating this more like a social “bar” league. I am not all that interested in drinking, or hearing about who went out drinking, or what they plan on drinking later…perhaps that is actually more of an age thing. I have already been there, done that. I struggle with my ability to really fit in with this group of players, perhaps this isn’t the best team for me, maybe we want different things...I am, after all, an extremely competitive person – I genuinely like to win.

But this group, when we work together can really click, and when we don’t it’s pure disaster. We have some very, very, strong personalities on this team and this makes having a team discussion difficult. In fact, the last team meeting that we had you could see these personalities bristle at each other…very difficult to watch but also like a true life study from one of my psychology classes. On top of that fun we also have all of these extraneous expenses that are coming up with this team. I expected that if I wished to play in a tournament that I would have to pay, of course…so we signed up to play a tourney in 2 weeks- cough up $82 bucks. Then we find out that not only do we qualify for playoffs in Milwaukee (cough up another $82 bucks) we also have to pay for our coaches hotel room for the weekend. WTF??!!!! I get it if we were in IL or something further away, but hell, I am driving back and forth on Friday, Saturday and Sunday...I am paying for my own gas and my teammates, if they so choose, will be staying in hotels or driving back and forth as well. Why am I paying for my coaches to be there too?!!?! I understand the volunteer aspect, and I appreciate it, but honestly they have not earned it in my book. Oh and since it’s end of season we will have to pay for some type of gift as well…last talk I heard was $20 a player (cough up another $40 then) so in 1 month we have to spend an additional $204 – not cool with me or my budget.

Work is frustrating. One month I am on the verge of losing my job because all of a sudden we are sales people I am not good at forcing products down a customers throat and the next month all of a sudden I am a rock star. Either way the culture here has changed, it’s no longer a fun, and engaging work environment. I have friends that are leaving because they are just done with it and I have 1 friend that is feeling pushed out because one of our managers decided she doesn’t want her here anymore. There are no open positions that I can take without an apparent giant pay cut. I interviewed for a position in January and the day before was told that if I were to get it, I would have a take a pay cut – what kind of company won’t let you move to another position and at least stay at your pay? I am trapped here with no way out. Ugh.

Looking forward to spring, still trying to sort out some ideas for going back to school or what I plan on doing with my life. I need to find something that peaks my interest, challenges me and that I can stick with. I feel like I am going to be one of those people that finally figure it all out at 99 and die at 100 or something. I don’t know why it’s so hard find that something that will keep me happy. All of this stress from work does not do me any good at all, keeps me awake and just miserable. How frustrating.

Looking forward to summer scrimmage starting up, to play some hockey with more advanced players that I hope to learn from and also starting softball again with friends, it was nice to be asked back to their team again this year.

Edited note:
A few weeks ago I met with one of my coaches regarding some of the issues and I must admit I do see a change in their styles. I like to think that I did have some hand in this change that I have been seeing. I asked for them to start providing that feedback that new players so desperately need and frankly that I need too. I even said, "I need feedback, I don't know what I am doing well or what I need to work on" so imagine my suprise when I am still not getting any feedback yet Loni is just getting emails daily about positioning, shooting, her stats, blah blah blah. Well I suppose 1 out of 2 isn't bad…maybe I am slightly jealous about that....


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