Failed

The word fail is defined as:
1. To fall short of success or achievement in something expected, attempted, desired, or approved.
2. To be or become deficient or lacking; be insufficient or absent; fall short
3. To lose strength or vigor; become weak

Well that sort of sums it up. I prefer to think of my weekend in terms of #1. I know that in order to succeed sometimes we must fail, but it really sucks. Especially when you put a lot of work into it and prepare for so long to accomplish something, falling short just isn’t acceptable.

People that know me know that I am competitive and I don’t like doing something if I am not good at it. This is probably why I hated piano so much, never continued in soccer and have not downhill skied since I was 21. Running is not my strongest skill, sure I can sprint from here fast – even if I haven’t done it in a while I am sure I am still pretty quick. But any distance to the run and I struggle, which is why I have been getting up at 515 in the morning to hop on a treadmill to get running. Apparently my plan didn’t quite work out for me. While doing the test over the weekend I maxed out the sit-ups (did 36 in 1 min...Probably a personal best there) and I did the bench press instead of pushups so I did 75lbs 18 times. And then we got to the run, let me tell you, when I ran against UW in college I either never noticed how dry it was in here so I was on a different planet. I have NEVER been in a gym that was THAT dry. So, it should not surprise you that on about lap 5 of 12 my mouth felt like I had cotton balls shoved into them, which started me to panic, therefore I was having to focus on my breathing while trying to stretch out a side stitch that I found myself with. Very long, painful, story short, I went 1.39 miles before I was pulled off the track for time. Remember I had 14:30 to do the 1.50 miles…that was a big NO GO.

I failed. All over. Finished.

So that’s that, it’s over – this time. I will have a year to prepare if I want to try it again.

I can at least say I tried.

Here is a fun little treat to add to this post. I got my postcard the other day for the test. Out of a possible 18.9 on the written test I scored 18.2. I don't know if that makes me happy or want to scream. I am not sure if that makes me fee even more humiliated about the whole exam process or not. I have been avoiding some of my friends that are on the department because I just don't know what to say - I feel like an idiot.

Comments

Kimberly said…
I'm so sorry that you didn't make it. I know that you have always had a passion and desire to be in civil service somewhere (especially in law enforcement). The upside is that you are probably in really great shape. Don't give up. You will find your place. The job suits you and I know that you will suit that job just as well. Keep pushing and trying.

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