Nightmare

Last night I had a dream…actually it was a nightmare. In my dream my father died, and just like many dreams it felt real, gut-wrenching, and full of every emotion that I would expect if this truly did happen. In fact when I woke up it took me a little while to realize that this didn’t happen. On the way to work I had to actually call him just to make sure he was okay and everything was fine. But in reality this is something that terrifies me, I am always afraid of this phone call. My father is not getting any younger, at 73 is he a really active guy, seems quite healthy and things appear to be going quite well. But on the other hand he IS 73, has had a quadruple bypass almost 4 years ago now and is really starting to slow down. I think I worry because they are in MI for part of the year and Florida so if something were to happen they are not close by. Also I worry if they need more longer/skilled care how will I manage living at the closest point 5 hours away.

I know that these are natural concerns that anyone facing aging parents has, I know I am not the 1st person to wrestle with these questions and fears. I know that if/when the time comes I will figure it out, that things will happen as they are supposed to. But that doesn’t help with the present moment of what I think about every now and then.

When my folks were here last month I chatted with my dad about the Ironman and we had a really good conversation about it and I showed them around the area. I asked him if I am able to do the Ironman as I am currently planning, would he be there. He promised me that he would be there to cheer me on, he said that “there is no where else I should be” and it almost made me cry. We were standing on top of the Monona Terrace and I was taking pictures of them with the lake and the capitol in the background. I find myself doing that a lot recently, taking pictures of them, and capturing the moments.

I just don’t want to forget or miss any of these moments.