blah blah blah

So I am on my lunch right now and although I would prefer to be reading I have too many thoughts to get out of my head. First and probably the most ridiculous is my elbow. It’s been so bad recently (meaning the last 6 months or so) and I finally broke down and set up an appointment with my dr. to take a look at it. What that means I have no clue, but I can’t stand it, it consumes my every waking moment, I just can’t tolerate it anymore – I give up!

Work is frustrating – I know, I know, what else is new with me. I just get so bored & I don’t like repetition all that much. Not to mention the evaluation of what I do, don’t get me wrong, I think evaluation is important and necessary. But when it’s not done in a constructive and supportive way it’s worthless to me.

Some of this might also stem from the fact that we have been hanging out with a couple recently that we really enjoy. Both are upbeat & active & just as crazy as we are and it’s such an easy friendship without stupid drama. The hard part for me is that 1 of them is a cop, which is awesome. This brings a lot of feelings and issues right in my face each time like “that could have been me” and only I stop myself from making that happen. She has also completed the Ironman & various triathlons’ which makes me feel like I am a slop and of course the competitive side of me wonders if I could ever do anything like that. I have always wanted to compete in the Ironman. I was considering a marathon but it falls during the Act ride. Perhaps some year I will take off the Act ride and do something crazy like that.

Speaking of the Act ride, I am lucky enough to have a sponsor for this year’s ride which is cool, but today I found out that they want to interview me on the radio – eek!! No one said that was in the deal! Ugh, we’ll have to see what happens, not sure if I can squeeze out time from work yet to do that but we’ll see.

I have no willpower, or motivation or whatever. In my mind I have all these things that I would love to do, who I would like to be yet when push comes to shove, I don’t do anything, I just continue to wish and hope. I need myself to kick my own ass, I just don’t know how to do it. I am so sick of who I have become yet I don’t know how to change!!! Ugh!

We are finally getting the house looking like a home, with a nice little garden, some shrubs & mom’s tree that we planted last weekend. It was exhausting but now that it’s done it really does look good. Now if we can get some things finished on the inside it might not be all bad after all. Still, lots of work and it can’t all happen overnight. Supposedly we have a couple renting the house across the street from us – they like kayaking & triathlons – hmm do I sense a pattern?

Blah blah blah…that’s how it is today…blah blah blah!


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