You took the words right out of my mouth

Well I wish I could take back a few words. Things I said that were more about trying to hurt than what I was meaning to say. Things are a mess for me right now with work being my daily living nightmare and it is just consuming my life. I am absolutely miserable.
I love martial arts, I do, but I am certainly not the best in my class. L is amazing at karate and excels so easily. I am used to doing things because I am so good at them. I admit I am jealous.
I am so jealous that L is so good, and is testing for Black Belt in July. I think it upset me when she first tasked someone else in class to hold the pads for her & partner with her during the test and not me. Deep,down I understand its so I can take pictures & watch the test but it would have been nice to be asked. I did finally say something but that really hurt.
Sometimes I would just like a pat on my back too. I feel there has been so much focus recently on L and how she isn't challenged enough & needs something more, I just feel like I am getting left behind.
So, tonight I said some things that had some partial truth but overall just didn't need to be said because I am an ass.
Thankfully I recognized it and did apologies but you can't un-ring that bell. It was mean & hurtful.
My only excuse is that I just can't think straight these days, everything just unravels around me. Next week is my trip,home & that always makes me stressed out.
Ugh...muzzle over here please.


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