What DO I want to do?

As children we are asked early what do you want to be when you grow up? It starts innocently with princess, president, astronaut, police office. But at some point they actually expect that you just know what you want to do, then ship you off to school for a few years and viola- there you are! But what if your dream and your ability to do this occupation do not mesh, and then you are faced with - nothing? A series of mindless, lackluster occupations that will bring home money for your family but leave you unfulfilled and wishing for more.

So what does someone do when they are 35 and realize that they just don't know what they want to do with their life. Faced with working on a masters in something that is not bringing them joy or doing the scary thing and starting over. But how do you know what your passion is, or what you are supposed to do with your life. If you have many things that interest you and sound good but just doesn't strike a cord.

So where do you go? What do you do? How do you even begin to figure out a new path? Really I am asking because I do not have the faintest clue anymore. I am unsure, scared and just clueless. The only things I have ever wanted to do are no longer options, and then that leaves me here. No specific calling, no clear direction or path...just aimless wondering.
I have no clue what to do.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Creeping up on the big 4-0

Image
Wow...almost 40 already?! Where does life fly away to when you are not paying attention? I have had a lot floating through my mind as I spend the last 15 days of my 30's looking back on what has all happened in my life and I have made some decisions. As an adoptee there are things that I didn't know I did or realize about myself until recently. The way that I tend to push others away always fearing they will leave me first. The way I put up barriers around myself so others cannot hurt me- not willing to trust too easily or not believing that a person is genuine. And, when someone does something that hurts me or pulls away from me I usually comment about how I expected as much. I have spent too much time in my life wondering about, wishing for and hoping that my bio mother would come around. 20 years I have tried to have conversations or a connection that I so desperately thought I wanted or needed. Something clicked for me this week, I don't need her- and frankly, if y
Read more

Alone

Image
Some days I feel like I am all alone. I find it hard to love myself because it feels like no one else loves me.. So how can you love yourself? Maybe I am not love able- after all I did get rejected by my biological and adoptive mothers. I just don't know anymore. 
Read more

My Memory

This time of year one hears a lot about national coming out day  which happens to fall this week. So I decided that it would be a good time to share my story as well. I spent the day yesterday retracing my first few months in Madison down on State Street. When I first moved here I really did not have anywhere to go and I certainly didn't know anyone, so I would spend hours walking down the street and watching people. Many times I would sit and write or read, I find that this was one of the most creative periods of my life. Anyway, it amazed me then, and I felt it yesterday, that even around so many people a person can feel so alone. I knew long ago that I was gay, I would say early teens. Unfortunately, where I grew up and in my family, being gay was one of the biggest taboos that one could be. Growing up in such a religious family and area, diversity was not high on the list of things encouraged. When I finally accepted myself I was resigned to the fact that I would never, ever,
Read more