Pardon me while I vent

I don't usually like to vent away but I am irritated, exhausted and just all-around grr this morning so I am going to vent.

I was up until about 3am today, why you might ask? Oh because Loni was out with her sister until just after 2am. I guess for the most part I don't care, that's not the point. Initally it was Loni leaving at 830 to go out for a drink or two where Jess had dinner, so I thought hour or two tops she would be home. So imagine my surprise when 2 hours later I find out that they are going to an additional location, a strip club no less, all I asked was not to be out too late since I need to be up at 630 and don't drink too much and drive. Since the dogs don't like it when we are not both home they start to bark at every sound they hear thinking the other person is home. So they had been doing this for a few hours making it impossible for me to get any sleep. At 1am I finally messaged asking if it was going to be much longer since I was not getting any sleep and needed to get up in a few hours and the responce I get back is "sorry bub (our friend is coming to meet us) it's only one night." Then at 2am she finally gets home.
When she got home she said "oh I will just sleep on the couch so I don't keep you up" when I said that I have been up the whole time the answer I received was "well now you know how I feel when your parents come to visit." Woah, where the hell did that come from? Really, where the hell did that come from? When my folks are in town it is trying on us all I think, I usually hang out at their hotel until around 11pm - we watch a movie or something usually. But that is not when anyone has to work the next morning, and I am not coming home at 2am, and I was not hanging out at a strip club!

I think my main issue is not even where they went, or how long they were out, I think it comes from not at least calling me to say hey, I need to hang out with Jess, would you mind if we went to x place, we're going to be out late. I wasn't invited, I wasn't asked and I certinaly wasn't shown any consideration last night.

So after crying myself to sleep, I woke up at 630, exhausted, eyes puffy and bloodshot and she is still sleeping on the couch. She will probaly be there for a few hours, perhaps until I am done at 1pm. And I know when I get home I will have to try and just suck it all up and move on, but right now I am just hurt and disappointed.

Things have been so stressful around here recently with Loni losing her job and then the accident, and now not being able to find a job. So I get the wanting to go out and have a good time, I do, but to be so uncaring and just rude. And to not try to make it right when getting home. I don't like the person that Loni has become in her unemployment. I know she is upset, I know she is feeling like a loser, I get that, I have been there. But it's also not easy being the one to try and keep lifing her up, to try and keep things positive and fun. I am doing all I can, I am terrified every day that we will end up losing the house or something, but I am trying to stay positive.

I am just wanting to get a way for a while, from my own life. But we can't afford to go anywhere, or do anything like that. ugh, I guess this is the valley that we all need to cross at some point, I just think it's been long enough.


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