Half-Pint

Wow..I finally found what I have been looking for! I got to meet my new team, new coach and practice together for the first time tonight and it was amazing! Our coach has coached women's hockey before and he said that he is all about getting the basics down and conditioning the hell out of us. For the last 5 years I have played..I have never had coaching like this. I think I am in for an amazing year. Not to mention that we did team drills like I have never had. Oh where was all this when I started!!

I find it funny, or at least interesting that celebrities check themselves into a hospital for exhaustion or stress. They only work when they take a job and that job might go 8-12 weeks. How about 40hrs each week where "the man" tells you how much time off you get?! I would love to check myself in some place for a few days..just get away from it all. Not possible for us "regular joe's" that need to go in each day. I actually look forward to the holiday season, not for the holidays, but for the day off to relax. There are just not enough hours in the day to get everything done! Been in kind of a rut the last few days..not sure if it's the change of weather that has me in this little funk or what.

I am sitting here in a self imposed isolation..thinking about the last week. I will say it was one of the more stressful ones I have had in a while. My parents will visit 1 more time before heading down to Fl. for the winter. Always a bittersweet time of year for me. I don't think they relax and enjoy retirement enough during the summer but they are so far away during the winter. Each year I wonder if I am going to get another phone call like I did just a few short years ago. My dad mentioned quite a few times this weekend about getting up to 75. Today some friends let us down..again. I hate 1 way friendships - I find them obviously lopsided and disheartening. I am a pretty forgiving person..sometimes to my own detriment, but after so many years of letting people trample on me enough is enough. I am at a point that if you are unwilling to invest some time back at me then I will not continue to seek out time with you. I don't believe that you should trust someone fully until...

I really need to find time to get on here more- my posts tend to be inspired or driven by my emotions & what is going on around me. I did start writing some poetry again, it's been quite a relief to get the creative juices flowing again.. So much going on..so much I need to get out. Lot's of emotions rolling around.. Ugh, I just can't find the words right now..

Wow time really does fly. Here I am trying to fit a quit blog time into my day. Work all day, quick run when I got home and some dinner- and that's nights that I don't have hockey or rugby. Whew, I need a vacation!

I have been trying to take time to listen to that small voice inside of me to guide me on my way. It's kind of strange why things and circumstances come into your path in life... So a few months ago I was putting some pictures on facebook and ran into some of my old rugby ones - I decided to see if I could get in contact with some more of my teammates. I have not played on this team in 9ish/10 years. Anyway, when I first came to Madison not knowing anyone or having anywhere to go I found this rugby team that helped me transition to the city and became a part of my family. So this week week happens to be the Rugby World Cup which my former teammate is playing in. So I have been thinking a lot about rugby and how much fun I used to have playing so after a little chat with Loni she said I should play again. So this morning I sent some email and got some information..hopefully I will get to start pre-season training with the team this winter and play next summer. Hockey in the winter...

So today we made a very tough decision in that we are not returning to our hockey team. This has been quite a year for us as our team struggled with just issue after issue. It never felt like a home to me and for an organized sport it was very frustrating. Sadly the list of issues came to a head last Tuesday where my tolerance to the issues just broke. Fortunately for me I was able to spend time on Sat with a friend that I was able to chat about some of these hockey issues with and a have a good sounding board to what I have been trying to decide for a while. And today we made the final decision to seek a happier environment for us. And as we started making the phone calls to let people know so they can fill out spots it was like a weight lifted off us. The hard part are the very few friendships that we have made on this team - some are very strong and for others apparently this is a test that might be too much to handle. Especially when I get an email that tells me that they need...

So I have been trapped on the couch since Monday morning with what I believe is the flu. Sucks, sucks, sucks! Not only that I am feeling utterly miserable (honestly I don't know that I have EVER been this sick) I was to officially begin my training at work this week, nice! So I had to call into my job the last 2 days, nice thing is that we are fully paid for all sick time so that was never my concern but missing 2 valuable days of training was not the plan. So tomorrow I will trudge in there again, hopefully to get right back on track. I am feeling a little better, I think I was only away about 30 min on Monday so today when I have been awake since noon and actually got some food in me I think I am on the mend. Good side to all of this? I lost 3 pounds in 2 days :O) I don't mind that part..just could do without being that sick! But I believe my dogs and the cat have been super good during this time cuddling up to me and knowing when I just needed some snuggle time - gotta l...

Sometimes I wonder what purpose my life serves...if I really wasn't some kind of mistake. Would I even be missed? Do I matter? A lot of times I just don't feel that I do...I just wonder

Where DOES time go? Seems that since I have started my new job things are going so well but I have been so busy that I don't get a chance to post on here too much. After 8 weeks I am actually starting my training this week :O) Feeling a little left out from some friends recently, seems like one of us have pulled away but I am not sure what side of the coin that was. But that is how life goes...sometimes you have that I suppose. Getting ready for another hometown visit next month since it seems my folks cannot fit a trip out this way into their schedule. Hard to believe people that are retired can't find a weekend to visit their daughter but I think only 1 of them really want to make the trip. We have been doing a lot around the house and it's coming together really nice, got the fence put up with the help of some friends, we painted this weekend and I installed some curtains. All in all, it was a great weekend!

It's been a while since I have posted on here..not for lack of things to say, actually so much has been going on that I just haven't had time to update the blog. Let see...started a new job, had a visit from my folks, had a visit from my SIL & her kids, planning the first two vacations we have taken in 10 years, had to deal with a major home appliance replacement that wasn't planned for (not planed but fortunately we have been smart with $$ and saving) There is just not enough time in the day..

I am sitting here right now trying not to be insulted or hurt. Today is my last day at the "old" job...it's bittersweet because endings are usually hard- but I am still excited about the new adventure too. But 2 days ago my manager sends out an email saying we should have a food day for my last day (which we usually do for people leaving) and rather than send around a sign up list or something she just said bring whatever. Well, I am sure you wouldn't be shocked to learn that only 2 things were brought in. Go figure. It's insulting and rather hurtful. I think I will leave early and close this chapter. To quote one of my favorite movies: "Beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad, But it's the middle that counts the most. You need to remember that when you find yourself at a beginning. Just give hope a chance to float up, and it will too."

So the visit has come and gone...overall it was actually a good visit. We had a lot of work to do which could have attributed to that, although Loni was a little upset that she couldn't be a part of working on things around the house. This is the constant struggle, while my parents are here she is left on the sidelines. I know that especially when it comes to doing things around the house she just wants to help, to be a part of it. That makes me sad. This week also begins a new chapter in my life as well, I am finishing up work at one job and get ready to start my new job on the 11th. As usual I am a little nervous about the new environment, the new dress code will take a little getting used to for me but I will figure it out. I am looking forward to growing some roots at a company that will let me grow with them...not a fan of the dead end positions I have had recently. Also last week I saw one of my friends get a position with a police department. I am very happy for her, but ...

It’s amazing how lives intertwine, touching us for a moment sometimes, and if we are lucky it is longer. Tonight the folks come in for a visit, initially I was a little put out by the length of time that they wanted to stay but these days I am grateful that my 74 year old father is healthy enough to be making trips to and from Florida and Wisconsin, I can’t complain for the days we spend together. I know I will not always have this opportunity – and I am so thankful for it. I am also thankful today for Kathy Cole – aka my birthmother. I am thankful to Kathy today because she gave me life and in what I am sure was the most difficult decision of her life, chose to give me an opportunity to have a good life with another family. Birthday’s are always quite emotional and difficult for me – not sure if this is because it is the 1 time of year I am reminded that I didn’t come from just 1 family, that I wonder what my life would have been like if I was living in that small Michigan town. I...

So of course I am ready for the new job to start, it's getting hard to focus right now - so many issues at the office (otherwise I wouldn't be leaving I suppose) especially with the lights. They are very bright, in fact they are so bright that I have to wear my sunglasses...while at my desk...for the entire day. This place gives me a headache in more ways than one. We have been really good about going to the gym, pretty much daily- I was quite surprised and very happy about that actually. It's been a fun way to work out and doing it together just makes it more enjoyable. Life has been pretty good, on a break from hockey at the moment until summer scrimmage starts, softball will start next month, folks will be here next week for my birthday...just the usual. It's that time of year to enjoy the farmers market, working out in the yard & hanging out with friends.

Yesterday I got the phone call that I have been waiting quite a while ago, I was offered a new job!! Few bonuses here, I get to leave a highly stressful job, I will get paid much more than I anticipated or expected, I have the opportunity to advance in the position. All in all, this is a huge thing for me. I start on May 11th...wahoo!

This morning my dear friend Nancy's mom La died. A beautiful, funny and energetic woman has left us. La had been sick a lot recently and had been fighting as hard as her body would let her fight...I know how much Nancy will miss her and I will too. I will miss La nagging us to come down so she could cook some of the best Mexican food I have ever eatin in my life and how she would tell us to come around more. I am grateful for every invitation. Rest in peace great lady, you will be missed.

So this weekend is That Dam Tourney for our hockey team, it also marks the 1 year anniversary from the last time that we saw Loni’s mom. It was the first time that she was able to make a game of ours and the first time that she got to see Loni play. She sat in the stands and commented on how cute the boy was with the mohwak (we all love goalie Joe) and listened while Vivian explained how hockey works…and of course she had her camera along with her. I will never forget how she was beaming with pride. I will never forget how 1 week later we were at her side in a hospital wondering what was happening. Last night I got a little choked up when we walked into the rink – I know it’s not always going to be like that, each time we reach a milestone. We can talk about her now without having the tears…but sometimes they flow anyway. We still really miss her – but I am glad that the last time I talked with her she was smiling and happy, that is how I will always remember her.

I am very thankful for my true friends. Not just those that will on occasion text me and say hello..or the ones that I might see from week to week but the ones that have taken time to really get to know the real me.  You know who you are...I am very thankful for you.

Yesterday we were able to get some closure on what happened after we donated my mother-in-laws tissue when she died. Timing couldn’t be more perfect with the 1 year anniversary right around the corner; it gave us something to be happy about, that she would be proud to have helped so many people. In a very nice letter they informed us that over 10 recipients have already had a transplant and they range in ages from 12-61 and live in Michigan, New York and Nebraska. 4 people have had their ACL repaired, 2 have had TKA (Total Knee Arthroplasty) and 3 have had cervical and spinal fusion surgery. We also donated her eyes and before the funeral we found out that 2 people already had received her corneas in a transplant. Interesting thing about her corneas, she couldn’t see from here to there without her glasses…but under a microscope she had the most beautiful and perfect corneas – and the surgeon that did the transplant is one of the pickiest surgeons in WI and that made me feel good knowin...