Half-Pint

As I look back on 2008 I have mixed feelings as I think we all do at this time every year. I saw the loss of 2 wonderful people in my life. One to senseless violence and the other while serving his country. I have been asked to serve on the board of directors for my hockey team which is a fabulous group of people that I enjoy very much. I was able to spend time taking picture and enjoyed the feeling that I get from being in the moment. Not to mention the experience of a lifetime when I was able to photograph the Indigo Girls & Natasha Bedingfield. This year has allowed me to earn my EMT certification again, enjoy the first year in our new home, and celebrate 8 years with my partner. This year has brought me more a lot more heartache with my parents, but an increased reliance on myself and my family that I have chosen. I have met some amazing people, rode another Act ride, and played a lot more hockey. It’s been a long year. I don’t really have any special hopes for 2009; I would li...

This is what I found in my email this morning: "Congratulations on successfully compleating the cognitive portion of your EMS certification." My reaction: holy crap...does that mean i passed?? I think about 2 min passed where I re-read this email and was looking for the catch. I just passed the National Registry for EMT on the first try, whoohoo! Back in the day when I first earned my EMT certification in 1998 we were told stories about how difficult this national exam was, and most of us were encouraged NOT to take it. 140: Hours spent in class: 16 weeks at 8 hours per week + clinical time 1 :Number of times I thought perhaps I shouldn't have done this 6 :Number of friends I will keep in touch with Feeling I had today knowing I did it makes each moment in class compleatly worth it. So what's next? Well putting some time in at DGEMS putting skills to practice. There is some talk of a group of us going on to IV tech together, but there is also paramedic school too. Th...

So this weekend my parents come for a visit again. I have this fear that something is going to go massively wrong or just be a bad visit. I know I am super stressed out right now and having them here actually does not help me right now. They will be leaving for Florida the middle of the week I believe and I won’t see them again until Mayish. Could be April but I have a few hockey tournaments that I am playing in and will be gone the weekend prior to my birthday so I am thinking I won’t see them until sometime in May. Every time they leave for Florida I wonder if I will see my father again, if his health will hold up through the winter. I wonder if I have approached everything with my parents in a fair manner. If I am treating them as I would want to be treated even if it’s not returned. In other news, I think I am developing arthritis in my elbow. Prior to the surgery I was limited from time to time with some extreme pain but things seemed to go well after Dr. Bliss dug around in there...

Last night we went to see Carrie Underwood...I think we bought the tickets 3 months ago or something and it seems like we have been waiting for this for FOREVER! Little Big Town opened for her and they were really good, it was nice to see a great group of performers out there workin hard. We sat in about the 7th row and to my surprise there was a giant catwalk that ran down the middle of the floor that we were about 4 feet from so we always had a great view. It’s strange to see this woman that I was rooting for on American Idol a few years ago in the big lights and doing really well. I think some people are just destined to be in that role in life. I don’t think I could live that life, but I am in awe of her talent. At one point she was doing a wardrobe change and they did this montage of all the awards she has won and she had this one acceptance speech that I thought was so true to who she is: God has blessed me so much and I will spend the rest of my life trying to understand why, no...

Words on a Monday morning Winter weather Restless Unsure Confused Overwhelmed Hurting (physically) UGH Lot’s going on, school winding down, pressure winding up. Head is whirling around. Hockey is great but frustrating. This week is super busy, quite overwhelming when I think about it, actually the next 2 weeks are. I have a State licensing exam on Tues, took Thurs off so I can go to class during the day and take Loni to the Carrie Underwood concert at night with our friend Mel, Act 6 reunion party on Friday night and sat I have work, the women’s hockey game with MGHA and take Loni to her Christmas party. Whew, I am tired just looking at this list. Mom and Dad coming for a visit on the 12th, National Registry Practical Exam on the 16th and National Registry Written sometime around there as well. So, by Christmas I should be exhausted, but finished. Maybe I can have some time again, some time to focus on what is important and more importantly spend some time with Loni. I would love to fi...

So I had a whole post written up but it seemed dismal and depressing so I erased it. Today was full of hockey, and doing nothing. Didn't have a homemade meal at all. I have much to be thankful for, and many to be thankful too. Some people that saved me in more ways than they will ever know, and have touched my heart. I don't and shouldn't need a special day to tell those people that I am thankful for them, yet sometimes the words just don't come out. So, I hope today was spent in the company of those you enjoy, and for a brief moment you remembered that you are special. Because while I built a fire and looked in the flames, I thought of you and was so thankful!

So when I let my mind wander away from me I always seem to end up blogging. good thing? maybe. Anyway, I am feeling even more blah and more sadness around the holidays this year that usual. I dislike the holiday season, mainly because there is too much fakeness in people. I can't stand the I will pretend to like you during the holidays and spit on you the rest of the year crap! Holidays make me feel very lonley, if I must be honest, they do. They break my heart. I don't really have a good explination for this, I can't put into words really just why I feel lost around holiday time. Maybe it's because I am far from family. Maybe it's because everyone seems to have a family of their own and I feel left out. Doesn't really matter why I guess. But I have always felt like the fifth wheel. So, origionally for Thanksgiving this year we were going to have Bri over since I know her family is doing other things. And tonight she let me know that her dad is by himself at ho...

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License . Thanksgiving used to be my favorite time of year, favorite holiday out of all of them. I think it was because my dad’s side of the family got together on Wed night and my mom’s side was an all day Thursday type of thing. I remember after school the snowy drive out to Holland to a church building to have dinner & Christmas with Grandpa & Grandma and all of my cousins. We would be there late into the night and spending time together as a family, I loved those nights. I can still hear the laughter in the back of my mind sometimes. Thursday we would get up for church then race home to pack whatever we were bringing and head out to Holland/Zeeland to my Grandmother’s and in later years my aunts. We would have tables set up all over the house, kids tables, adult tables, food galore. This was always my favorite side of the family, we were a giant clan that would eat...

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License . Over the last year I have found a sweet hobby of photography. I think it allows me to be bolder than I would typically be and it let’s me into people’s lives that I would be into otherwise. I have a decent eye and try to tell my story without a forced look; I like my subjects to be just as I see them in the moment. In fact, I don’t do well with posed pictures, makes me nervous. I want to see you in my film as I saw you in the moment. With all of that being said, the pictures that I took for the rally this weekend have been getting a lot of buzz which is SO exciting to me. I am so touched, humbled and in awe of the comments I have received. Many, okay, most of which are from total strangers. I am speechless…and truly honored.

So today was a rally here in Madison to fight the H8 and equal rights for LGBTQ people. Even thought everything with Prop 8 happened in CA you wouldn't know it here, it stings deep all the way in WI. I don't know why love scares people. Give me reasons that go beyond religion. I am so sick of the hatred that spews out of some people, love is love, it's really that simple. I had a great day today, time with Mary, stopped by to see Bri with some warm coffee, a little pho, and watching some hockey. I love my Madison family, gives me peace.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License . So, I wasn't going to put this on here but I am just still bothered by it so I figured I would share it then. I love to use facebook, it's a fun place for me to catch up with old friends, jab at those I currently see and just let my hair down (so to speak.) So, I was shocked when about 2 months ago my mom also joined facebook and then requested to "friend" me. Against my better judgement I went ahead and did so, making sure to start censoring myself a little and blocking certian things from her. But, one thing about facebook is that you can express your support for various groups and/or causes. So, a week or so ago someone sent me something to support leagizing gay marriage which I fully support, and I posted that on my page. Well last night my mother decides to comment on this by saying "not a good idea." Initially I was PISSED OFF, not h...

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License . I have been feeling very restless lately - I could use a vacation, or getaway..whatever u call it. I want to hop in my truck, and just drive. honestly I don't care where. I want to turn up music, my music, and sing at the top of my lungs. I want to get away, not runaway, but take a breath.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License . Who Am I?? I am a slightly neurotic, obsessive hockey player that wishes to be better than my current skill level will let me be Adopted daughter to Earl & Joyce Co-Treasurer to the MGHA Lion Tamer for Token Creek Lions Club Steering committee for the Act ride A partner Fur babies momma A faithful employee in a growing organization A fiercely devoted friend An extremely shy individual (bet you didn’t know that one!!) A book worm A video game geek Someone that likes to sit back and watch A person that remembers a lot, especially when it’s about people I care about I notice when you are fighting the tears I really want you to hug me too I need to have time alone, but not too much I want you to want me in your life When hurt, I can cut you off forever I panic at the thought of losing my father I am terrified of public restrooms I could go to an amusement park for ev...

I feel like my emotions, thoughts and life has been swirling around me lately. I have had an outlet for some of it, but that has been censored too. I feel like I have to censor a lot more now, not because I want to. Sometimes I feel like having a blog is my only way of letting some of my friends know what is going on with me. And the funny thing is that I see these people often. But why do we share information like this? What is wrong with sitting down and talking to one another? Personally, I'm likely to actually sit and chat, I clam up more. Not sure what that is about. The part of me that searches for those close connections also pushes them away. I want them to ask the questions, yet I am afraid to give the answer. The swirl of emotions, the gut check.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License . So many things have been happening lately. I think sometimes I need to remind myself to slow down for a minuet, take care of me for a while. So many thought, memories, emotions that are coursing through me recently. Some I wasn’t planning, some that I have shoved down about as far as I can. This time of year is a great struggle for me. I find myself in a constant search for the family that I so desperately need. I don’t’ know what is worse, to lose your family in death, or to lose them because you are shunned. I have talked often here about what this group of friends here in Madison has meant to me. This is my family of choice, my brothers & sisters that I have never had, those that stand shoulder to shoulder with me and pick me up when I fall. And although I feel that they care about me and would do anything for me, I can’t help but wonder if that is true. I kee...

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License . To trust someone so completely To start to open up that protective cocoon To let go just a little To accept wholeheartedly To be the supportive one To stand shoulder to shoulder with This is what a friend does This is what a friend is That barrier between hurt and hope The arms that wrap you up The shoulder that is always there The one you call for a ride The one you ask for help The one you look at right in the eyes - Letting you know you are safe, and you are loved.

It's been a long time since I have posted on here...not that I don't have anything to say. Quite the opposite actually, I have so much to say, to share, to unload, but time is just moving faster than I can keep up these days. Well let's see..Oct 9th I finally said goodbye to the eye bank. Because of the fact that my life was literally sucked out of me each day I thought it would be super easy to just walk away. I was almost shocked when I had a slightly hard time saying goodbye to people. Anyway, I am am happy to report that today marked the end of my second full week at the credit union. It has been a long couple weeks of training which makes my brain hurt but overall I am have super impressed. Ya know when something fits? Like it just feels right? I enjoy going in, love the company I hold for 8 hours a day and just genuinely like being there. I cannot even begin to describe to you just what this 1 decision has done for my life. It's been amazing for me!! So let'...

So today is our 8 year anniversary..it actually started out pretty good...I remembered to make the coffee, let her sleep in a few extra minutes, great start. We had a hair appointment for 5pm tonight, knowing I would go in first and Loni would come right from work. You know what they say about plans....Loni ran into traffic and got lost, then called me upset, eventually crying and yelling (dropping a lot of the old F bomb as I recall!!) I know she was not mad "at" me but it was quite difficult to hold my own frustrations back because I knew that would only make it worse. But we told her not a big deal, we would just hang out until she got there since my hair was done.....well a few minutes later I got another call that was even worse. Loni is quite difficult to reason with when she gets upset, she gets more upset that she is upset by a situation that is out of her control. Say 1 thing wrong and you get the whole world of hurt thrown onto you. So I rescheduled her hair appoint...

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License . So my lovley dog Jersey decided I need to be up slightly earlier than my usual 530am today. Not a huge deal mind you, I am working an earlier shift, I could already smell the wonderful vegetarian chili Loni had simmering all night long...okay I'm up. But, when the house is dark, and you must be quiet what the hell do you do? Evidently today I blog. Let's see, over the last couple of weeks things have been super stressful in my life. Between Grandpa Broesch passing away and my parents visit, I think I hit my limit. Of couse last week Tuesday I got a cold which I fought all last week. So that knocked me down for a day of work, but on that same day, I got a phone call that offered me a new job. Instant healer I think...seems I started feeling better that very day! My new job will start Monday October 13th and I will be working customer service for Summit Credit ...

So, I need to cut myself some slack, it's been quite a long week. Let me see if I can summarize it for ya. Saturday I interviewed with Sun Prairie Police Department, Loni's grandfather died on Sunday morning, Tues night Loni's sister and 3 year old niece stayed here (no one went to bed until after 2am YIKES) up early to get ready for the funeral, we managed to procrastinate half the day away just not wanting to go. Anyway, the funeral was quite something, I had never been to a military funeral so I didn't know what to expect there, but what got me was the moment we arrived Loni started to fall apart - so of course I knew I had to the be one that was "together" and her mom walked up to us and said someone sent you guys flowers. You guys? Meaning me too? Who would do that?! I went and looked at this beautiful plant and this is what the card said "To Loni & Jenn & family, Our thoughts are with you. From, Your MGHA family" That's when I lost ...